The Visiting Rabbi

Currently, our campus has no Conservative Rabbi. This week, a potential candidate for the job is visiting campus.

At least in my opinion, our minyan needs a Rabbi. We really, really do. We need someone who can read a significant chunk of Torah every week (taking the pressure off me and approximately two and a half other kids), and preach a sermon, and, and, and...you get the idea.

Wish us luck! We really need a Rabbi!

Pictionary

A picture is worth a thousand words...here are pictures of some of the Judaica mentioned on my blog. All pictures from Google Images.

Torah:

Shofar:

Kippah:

Tzitziot:

Tallit:

Siddur: (This actually is the one I have.)

Back in Touch

I am now saying required prayers twice a day, (My mental health is too fragile for me to get up early to catch that third time before school.) as well as improvising my own prayers when I get in bed at night. Both types of prayer feel sweet and meaningful, in two very different ways. I have promised myself that if I really keep this up all through the week, I get to go back to wearing a kippah. It's custom, not law, anyway, but I feel as though a kippah signifies a certain level of religious commitment and I don't want to wear one until I'm there.

I'm now faced with a very practical problem. In order to daven mincha (afternoon prayers) on time, I bring my siddur (prayer book) with me to school and catch a few minutes in the chapel between school and working out. My problem is how to carry my siddur. It's a holy book; I can't put it in a pocket with sweaty gym clothes or dirty shoes, but it gets crushed in my laptop case. I think I'll just make a small cloth bag for it and decide that's enough of a barrier and I can pack it in my backpack with the clothes.

The Role of Religion

For those who do not read my other blog, I am currently caught up in a rapid cycling bipolar episode again and have been for two weeks.

During a four day weekend when I felt much better (because life was so quiet), I added afternoon and evening daily prayers back into my life.

What a difference set prayer times make! I still feel extremely depressed right now, but having something set in stone like that gives me an anchor to reach and hold onto as I reach for the next one.

Also, praying for Grady (see my bipolar life blog for details) gives me something on which to focus other than myself, which is always nice.

I Feel Compelled to Write This

I have it from a trusted source that people who know me in real life are talking behind my back about my blog(s), claiming that what I post is too private or personal and I should keep it more to myself.

I hardly know how to respond to that. I do have a journal for the really private stuff. Obviously, if I post something on this blog I don't mind the public knowing. That should be the only criterion for what gets posted and what does not, because guess what? This is my blog.

My entire purpose for blogging is to be honest about my life and thorough in my story telling in order to give the world an accurate picture of me. What is the point of providing that picture if it is only a partial picture?

I will continue to be honest, open, and up front on my blog. It is my blog and I choose what gets posted. To all those who know me in real life: if you feel my blog is too personal and none of your business, I propose a very simple solution: stop reading.

Thank you.

Reece's Rainbow

Another prayer project...check out mybipolarteenagelife.blogspot.com for more details.

Catching Up

I know I haven't posted here for a very long time. See, almost immediately after I found out I was lesbian, I realized that the traditional Jewish system didn't want me. I couldn't quite fathom getting close to God through a system that didn't accept me, and I pushed myself away. I still kept kosher and observed Shabbat, and I went to services and led and read Torah for the sake of the community, but that was it.

It was my father who pulled me back during a conversation that lasted well over an hour. In a nutshell, he told me that I should think of God as a loving Mother who wanted to hold me. He reminded me that Judaism is a path, with God as the goal, so when you have to cut out on eor the other, it's OK to remove part of Judaism. He told me about the egalitarian (men and women totally equal) minyan (congregation) he started in college; his group decided they didn't need official backing because they needed this right now. He compared certain parts of the Jewish legal code, which we both believe was created by people (and people can be wrong or ignorant) to the Jim Crowe laws and asked if I would have considered myself honor bound to uphold those.

I wanted to come back to Judaism, but I didn't know how. My father suggested I start by saying my own prayers every night in bed. So I did. I didn't feel anything, but I chatted a bit, prayed for people who needed it, and ended with the traditional bedtime Shema. Suddenly I realized that this was habit, and I added my next step: afternoon prayers on Shabbat. I want my Judaism back: I want it, I want it, I want it. I can feel the need for it again!

(Oh, and my bipolar symptoms mysteriously disappeared just in time for Shabbat and Purim. Miracle much?)