I am going to reveal something I have never before posted here: I am not "staight". I am bi- or homosexual. And I am a Jew.
The Jewish religion frowns upon homosexual acts. That is a fact with which I have struggled before. I had a good conversation with my father (a Rabbi) last year about the nature of God and religion, and that helped me accept myself the way I am.
Then today in my Hassidism class we started watching "Trembling Before God", a movie about homosexual individuals in the haredi (ultra-Orthodox Jewish) community. I was reminded of how much traditional Judaism frowns upon my future lifestyle. I felt my Judaism slipping through my fingers the way it had before.
Except this time I held on. I went and davened after school. I will daven tonight. I love my Judaism; it is far too precious to just drop.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Rosh Hodesh Adar I
Tonight begins Rosh Hodesh Adar I. It will be a two day Rosh Hodesh, lasting through Saturday. I am writing this early because I won't get time tonight.
First, a note about double Adar: The Hebrew calendar is a lunar calendar. Lunar calendars are always slightly less than a year long; I think they are short a few days. Anyway, just as the solar calendar adds a day every four years, the Hebrew calendar must add an extra month every few years. (It's not a very regular system, and I don't remember the exact numbers.) Therefore, Adar II will be next month, and we will have to wait until then to celebrate the holiday of Purim (more on that next month.)
Secondly: I love Rosh Hodesh. I love, love, LOVE Rosh Hodesh. It really does feel like a holiday (which it is) to me. There are extra prayers of Thansgiving to be said, and it is my custom to pray out of my special siddur (prayerbook; given to me in first grade and very old and fragile now) on Rosh Hodesh as well as on Shabbat and holidays. There will be a special additional Torah reading in services this Shabbat.
Thirdly, I have resumed my custom of learning a new bracha (blessing) each month. For the month of Adar I, I have memorized the bracha for a rainbow. It commemorates the Noah story, and it is "Blessed are you God...who remembers the covenant and is faithful in His covenants and upstanding in His words."
I close with a quote for Adar. Loosely translated, it is: "When Adar enters, joy multiplies." May we all have a joyous Adar I.
First, a note about double Adar: The Hebrew calendar is a lunar calendar. Lunar calendars are always slightly less than a year long; I think they are short a few days. Anyway, just as the solar calendar adds a day every four years, the Hebrew calendar must add an extra month every few years. (It's not a very regular system, and I don't remember the exact numbers.) Therefore, Adar II will be next month, and we will have to wait until then to celebrate the holiday of Purim (more on that next month.)
Secondly: I love Rosh Hodesh. I love, love, LOVE Rosh Hodesh. It really does feel like a holiday (which it is) to me. There are extra prayers of Thansgiving to be said, and it is my custom to pray out of my special siddur (prayerbook; given to me in first grade and very old and fragile now) on Rosh Hodesh as well as on Shabbat and holidays. There will be a special additional Torah reading in services this Shabbat.
Thirdly, I have resumed my custom of learning a new bracha (blessing) each month. For the month of Adar I, I have memorized the bracha for a rainbow. It commemorates the Noah story, and it is "Blessed are you God...who remembers the covenant and is faithful in His covenants and upstanding in His words."
I close with a quote for Adar. Loosely translated, it is: "When Adar enters, joy multiplies." May we all have a joyous Adar I.
Monday, January 31, 2011
SO EXCITED!
Rosh Hodesh Adar I is this Thursday night through Saturday, and I am so excited! More on Thursday night.
By the way, I am doing OK with my new mitzvah of after-meal blessings. I tend to forget at breakfast but I remember lunch and dinner.
By the way, I am doing OK with my new mitzvah of after-meal blessings. I tend to forget at breakfast but I remember lunch and dinner.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A Nice Opportunity and a New Mitzvah
Today, I had an opportunity to say a bracha (blessing) I almost never get to say. It is "Blessed are you, God...who gives a good smell to fruits." I have a lousy sense of smell, so I usually have to deliberately smell the fruit in order to say this one. Today, however, a girl in my Bible class had peeled an orange and left it on the table during our seven minute break, and I could smell the orange from where I was sitting! So of course I thanked God for the smell.
Speaking of God...davening (praying) twice daily is so much habit now that I think I will take on another mitzvah. From here on out, I will praise God for my food after I eat, not just before. Thse prayers vary from the ten paragraph "Birkat Hamazon" after eating bread, to the two line "Borei Nefashot" for miscellaneous foods, with one in between (I forget the name of it) to thank God for the seven species of Israel (wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, and dates).
Speaking of God...davening (praying) twice daily is so much habit now that I think I will take on another mitzvah. From here on out, I will praise God for my food after I eat, not just before. Thse prayers vary from the ten paragraph "Birkat Hamazon" after eating bread, to the two line "Borei Nefashot" for miscellaneous foods, with one in between (I forget the name of it) to thank God for the seven species of Israel (wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, and dates).
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
As Promised: Sorcery, Blessings, and Out of This World
OK. Here we go, as promised last night:
Sorcery:
I have seen too much in this world and others to not believe in sorcery. In fact, I have friends whom I believe are hayyev mitah (liable for the death penalty) by Torah standards because of sorcery. In my experience sorcery exists. It is real. One can participate in it if one chooses. Because the Torah so strongly forbids it, however, I will never engage in it. I absolutely refuse, just as I refuse to eat nonkosher food or break Shabbat. It just won't happen. My belief in sorcery does, however, add spice to my life in that I have to think about the fact that I am avoiding it. Very interesting.
Blessings and Curses:
Along the same lines, I believe that blessings and curses, if given with true intent and focus, have tremendous power regardless of who gives them. I believe that negative wishes, especially if spoken aloud, really can harm people. I have never given a curse, and I certainly do not plan on it. God can (and does in the Torah) curse because God is God (enough said), but I should not.
I have given a true blessing exactly three times in my life. The first was to a man I met in an airport when we were both stuck there overnight. He and I talked religion for five hours straight, and at the end, I gave him my blessing. I don't remember whether he rquested or I offerred, but the end result was the same.
My second blessing was given to my director on my trip in Kansas. She was pregnant and I strongly desired to bless the unborn baby. I asked her if I could; she was delighted, so of course I did.
My third blessing was given to a good friend of mine (not even a fake name here, to really protect this person's privacy) in JFK airport on our class trip to Israel. I had wanted to bless this friend for a long time, and finally I just pulled the friend aside and did it. I will not share contents of any of the above blessings; they are too sacred for that.
Other Worlds:
At one point during the Summer before Junior year I could literally leave this world. I would go and sit by a stream and concentrate all five senses on the water, and soon my soul would leave my body and rise up to be with God. Let me tell you, the "God world" is absolutely beautiful. There are no value judgments, so there is no concept of bad and no such thing as differences. That world is full of swirling patches of color, and...just...goodness. I made myself stop going there because the culture shock of coming back to this world was too much. I have since forgotten and/or lost the ability to connect with that world, but oh, how I yearn to go back!
Sorcery:
I have seen too much in this world and others to not believe in sorcery. In fact, I have friends whom I believe are hayyev mitah (liable for the death penalty) by Torah standards because of sorcery. In my experience sorcery exists. It is real. One can participate in it if one chooses. Because the Torah so strongly forbids it, however, I will never engage in it. I absolutely refuse, just as I refuse to eat nonkosher food or break Shabbat. It just won't happen. My belief in sorcery does, however, add spice to my life in that I have to think about the fact that I am avoiding it. Very interesting.
Blessings and Curses:
Along the same lines, I believe that blessings and curses, if given with true intent and focus, have tremendous power regardless of who gives them. I believe that negative wishes, especially if spoken aloud, really can harm people. I have never given a curse, and I certainly do not plan on it. God can (and does in the Torah) curse because God is God (enough said), but I should not.
I have given a true blessing exactly three times in my life. The first was to a man I met in an airport when we were both stuck there overnight. He and I talked religion for five hours straight, and at the end, I gave him my blessing. I don't remember whether he rquested or I offerred, but the end result was the same.
My second blessing was given to my director on my trip in Kansas. She was pregnant and I strongly desired to bless the unborn baby. I asked her if I could; she was delighted, so of course I did.
My third blessing was given to a good friend of mine (not even a fake name here, to really protect this person's privacy) in JFK airport on our class trip to Israel. I had wanted to bless this friend for a long time, and finally I just pulled the friend aside and did it. I will not share contents of any of the above blessings; they are too sacred for that.
Other Worlds:
At one point during the Summer before Junior year I could literally leave this world. I would go and sit by a stream and concentrate all five senses on the water, and soon my soul would leave my body and rise up to be with God. Let me tell you, the "God world" is absolutely beautiful. There are no value judgments, so there is no concept of bad and no such thing as differences. That world is full of swirling patches of color, and...just...goodness. I made myself stop going there because the culture shock of coming back to this world was too much. I have since forgotten and/or lost the ability to connect with that world, but oh, how I yearn to go back!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Catch up...soon.
No new spiritually extraordinary things have happened to me yet, but in reviewing this blog, I realize there are a few things I would like to post/repost. Coming soon:
My beliefs about sorcery
My beliiefs about blessings and curses
My experiences in another world
Again, some of these may be reposts. I wish I could do this tonight, but I really must sleep. Good night!
My beliefs about sorcery
My beliiefs about blessings and curses
My experiences in another world
Again, some of these may be reposts. I wish I could do this tonight, but I really must sleep. Good night!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
So Special!
It just occurred to me that I have never done a post about why Shabbat is so special to me. Here we go:
1. First and foremost, on Shabbat I do not make myself do anything I do not want to do. Shabbat is a day of rest.
2. On Shabbat, I get the chance to daven (pray) three times a day, instead of my usual twice. I also get to wear my tallit (prayer shawl).
3. Very often, I get the honor of leading something (or two or even occasionally three somethings) during services.
4. Shabbat is a time for friends and family.
5. On Shabbat, Rosh Hodesh, and holidays, I daven out of the siddur (prayer book) I received in first grade. This feels special to me every time.
6. On Shabbat I get to take a nap!
7. On Shabbat we sing some of my favorite songs!
8. Shabbat is a great opportunity to just live in the moment, which is something we all need to do more.
1. First and foremost, on Shabbat I do not make myself do anything I do not want to do. Shabbat is a day of rest.
2. On Shabbat, I get the chance to daven (pray) three times a day, instead of my usual twice. I also get to wear my tallit (prayer shawl).
3. Very often, I get the honor of leading something (or two or even occasionally three somethings) during services.
4. Shabbat is a time for friends and family.
5. On Shabbat, Rosh Hodesh, and holidays, I daven out of the siddur (prayer book) I received in first grade. This feels special to me every time.
6. On Shabbat I get to take a nap!
7. On Shabbat we sing some of my favorite songs!
8. Shabbat is a great opportunity to just live in the moment, which is something we all need to do more.
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About Me
- free_to_dream
- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!