First of all, as promised, an entry about grad school. I am definitely in the right field (early childhood ed), and God knew exactly what he or she was doing when he or she kept me out of Rabbinical school. So far, I am enjoying every second of where I am. Today's main task (I took a break to write this entry) is reading a 36 page article--that's right, I said 36 pages. It's a HISTORY article, for crying out loud; I have always hated history. But this is an article about the history of childcare, and i am absolutely loving every second of it.
Secondly, yesterday and today are Rosh Hodesh Elul, the beginning of the Hebrew month of Elul, the month leading up to the High Holidays (Rosh HaShanah, or New Year; and Yom Kippur, or Day of Atonement, in case you're not familiar). As always, I now allow myself to play the wonderful U'N'Taneh Tokef youtube recording that I allow myself between Rosh Hodesh Elul and Yom Kippur. Friday night I played it for the first time this Jewish year; on the Gregorian calendar it had been about 11 months. This time was extra special because my dear friend "Shoshana" (totally Protestant, and I have no idea why I code named her in Hebrew) was visiting, and I got to share the recording with her. Also, for whatever the reason, watching/listening to it this year made me choke up and start crying a little; that's never happened before.
Now, lastly and least important, the weather is cooling down and I need to start switching clothes around. I need my Fall clothes, not my Winter clothes, and I need both Summer and Fall options available, because the weather is erratic; this is the time of year when I check the weather every day before I get dressed. I have my every-day, casual Fall clothes up here already; they are also my Spring clothes, and I just never put them anywhere else. In the Fall, I continue to wear my Summer skirts; I simply replace t-shirts with long-sleeved tops--I like button-downs a lot--and add tights or leggings underneath. I do have to unearth my purple nightgown because in this weather I should really have both up here (I kept the red one up with me "just in case" as the weather got warmer). Also, I want to hang up my cool/cold weather dress clothes, so I have options on the Sabbath. I have three warm skirts and three warm tops to hang.
And...that's all for now! I expect to finish my big wall hanging today, and then I will blog pictures of that, too.
Sunday, September 4, 2016
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Super Sabbath (!!!)
This coming Sabbath (yes, I'm aware that it's Sunday, and there are six days to go; I do start anticipating the Sabbath this far in advance...but then, so do the psalms we say each day at the end of morning prayers) is going to be just spectacular, and that is for two reasons.
The more important/exciting reason is that "Shoshana" is finally coming to visit. She is extremely curious about everything Jewish, and we decided together that the best way to satisfy her curiosity is just to have her come watch and/or participate in a Sabbath. She will witness all Friday night ceremonies; I will translate shorter blessings, and find longer ones in a prayer book with translation for her to read. While I am praying, I will loan her the most basic work of Jewish theology I own, for her to flip through and pass the time. Saturday, I am taking her to my wonderful synagogue. It's going to be great; we're going to have fun.
The other reason is that this Saturday is Rosh Hodesh Elul, the beginning of the Hebrew month of Elul, leading up to the High Holidays in the following month. You may recall that I found a wonderful Youtube recording of U'N'Taneh Tokef, by the Gevatron. I have blogged multiple times about U'N'Taneh Tokef, so I will not go into detail; I will say, however, that to me, this prayer is the most special/important part of Rosh HaShanah services, and the second most important/special prayer on Yom Kippur. I only allow myself to listen to the Gevatron recording from Rosh Hodesh Elul through Yom Kippur; I look forward to it every year.
So that is why I'm so excited for this coming Sabbath.
The more important/exciting reason is that "Shoshana" is finally coming to visit. She is extremely curious about everything Jewish, and we decided together that the best way to satisfy her curiosity is just to have her come watch and/or participate in a Sabbath. She will witness all Friday night ceremonies; I will translate shorter blessings, and find longer ones in a prayer book with translation for her to read. While I am praying, I will loan her the most basic work of Jewish theology I own, for her to flip through and pass the time. Saturday, I am taking her to my wonderful synagogue. It's going to be great; we're going to have fun.
The other reason is that this Saturday is Rosh Hodesh Elul, the beginning of the Hebrew month of Elul, leading up to the High Holidays in the following month. You may recall that I found a wonderful Youtube recording of U'N'Taneh Tokef, by the Gevatron. I have blogged multiple times about U'N'Taneh Tokef, so I will not go into detail; I will say, however, that to me, this prayer is the most special/important part of Rosh HaShanah services, and the second most important/special prayer on Yom Kippur. I only allow myself to listen to the Gevatron recording from Rosh Hodesh Elul through Yom Kippur; I look forward to it every year.
So that is why I'm so excited for this coming Sabbath.
Friday, August 26, 2016
Sewing Project Plans
(I started graduate school yesterday; so far it seems a lot like college, only harder. I will talk more about it in another post.)
My father brings me fabric when I need it, because it is cheaper and easier to get where he lives. He has a Wal-Mart super center accessible; I do not. I give him color, and sometimes pattern, ideas and let him loose. He usually picks out something wonderful.
My current sewing project is a really big wall hanging, several feet long, to hang over my dining table. It is the final thing I need hanging; after it's done I will go around the room taking pictures of everything on the walls, except my diploma because it shows my last name, and then I will blog the pictures. This wall hanging is much the biggest I've made, and it's also the first to be an actual picture. It will be a garden scene with purple flowers; my grandmother let me pick out fun buttons for the flowers' centers, and they will add just the right touch. I planned this project so that each phase would be more interesting than the last; first a hem, then the grass, then the stems and flowers, then the button centers.
When my father brought me the fabric for the project described above, he also brought me the ultimate fun fabric: purple background with pink, purple, blue, and yellow elephants and pink polka dots. I cannot use it for the wall hanging because the print is too big. I would never get a full elephant showing, and it's a waste of perfectly good elephants to chop them up. I decided, however, that what I need to do with that fabric is make another tallit katan; the width is perfect, and it is even a little too long. I will hem the border and the head hole in purple; each hole for the fringes will be done in an elephant color.
The plans for the new tallit katan started me thinking, and I decided I needed to phase out the plain white men's kind I wear during the week. (I will keep the ladies' kind I wear when I dress up; they work for that better than anything I could make, and they are already special.) Therefore, I now have a new Hannukah gift idea: four or five sets of strings (if the budget allows five I will get five, but I haven't priced it out yet) and the material to make the garments (fabric is so cheap I'm sure my parents will let me max out the budget on strings).
I need to think about, and decide on, colors for the garments. I instantly chose brown and pink, because they are my favorite colors after purple. (I go back and forth on which I like better.) Then I chose blue, because if I had to pick a color to represent Judaism, it would be blue. Finally, a while later, I settled on yellow. I love yellow, and I really can't wear it anywhere that shows; this way, I can. If I get a fifth, I'm thinking orange or green, for the same reason as the yellow.
Now that I'm in school again, my sewing time is limited. I've decided to set aside ten minutes before bed as craft project time. That way, I won't stray away when I'm supposed to be working on schoolwork, because I'll know my sewing time is coming to me later.
My father brings me fabric when I need it, because it is cheaper and easier to get where he lives. He has a Wal-Mart super center accessible; I do not. I give him color, and sometimes pattern, ideas and let him loose. He usually picks out something wonderful.
My current sewing project is a really big wall hanging, several feet long, to hang over my dining table. It is the final thing I need hanging; after it's done I will go around the room taking pictures of everything on the walls, except my diploma because it shows my last name, and then I will blog the pictures. This wall hanging is much the biggest I've made, and it's also the first to be an actual picture. It will be a garden scene with purple flowers; my grandmother let me pick out fun buttons for the flowers' centers, and they will add just the right touch. I planned this project so that each phase would be more interesting than the last; first a hem, then the grass, then the stems and flowers, then the button centers.
When my father brought me the fabric for the project described above, he also brought me the ultimate fun fabric: purple background with pink, purple, blue, and yellow elephants and pink polka dots. I cannot use it for the wall hanging because the print is too big. I would never get a full elephant showing, and it's a waste of perfectly good elephants to chop them up. I decided, however, that what I need to do with that fabric is make another tallit katan; the width is perfect, and it is even a little too long. I will hem the border and the head hole in purple; each hole for the fringes will be done in an elephant color.
The plans for the new tallit katan started me thinking, and I decided I needed to phase out the plain white men's kind I wear during the week. (I will keep the ladies' kind I wear when I dress up; they work for that better than anything I could make, and they are already special.) Therefore, I now have a new Hannukah gift idea: four or five sets of strings (if the budget allows five I will get five, but I haven't priced it out yet) and the material to make the garments (fabric is so cheap I'm sure my parents will let me max out the budget on strings).
I need to think about, and decide on, colors for the garments. I instantly chose brown and pink, because they are my favorite colors after purple. (I go back and forth on which I like better.) Then I chose blue, because if I had to pick a color to represent Judaism, it would be blue. Finally, a while later, I settled on yellow. I love yellow, and I really can't wear it anywhere that shows; this way, I can. If I get a fifth, I'm thinking orange or green, for the same reason as the yellow.
Now that I'm in school again, my sewing time is limited. I've decided to set aside ten minutes before bed as craft project time. That way, I won't stray away when I'm supposed to be working on schoolwork, because I'll know my sewing time is coming to me later.
Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Lessons from my Grandfather's Funeral
My grandfather passed away Friday evening, and the funeral was yesterday afternoon. It was my first funeral, and it really affected me in a way I didn't expect. I felt a whole lot of grief, for which I simply was not prepared. Judaism teaches that we don't speak badly of the dead, and I really do want my grandfather to rest peacefully because goodness only knows he had a hard life and he's earned it, but I will say we really didn't have the easiest relationship and I wasn't particularly expecting to feel anything.
Throughout the ceremony, I broke down in silent, shoulder-shaking sobs multiple times. No one else had any way of getting to me and helping me (my mother snuggled me in the car on the way back), nor would it have been appropriate if they did, but there was one person who really helped without being aware of it.
My grandfather had been a Marine, so there were two active duty Marines present to do the flag ceremony. One was positioned close to me, with his back to me, and the other was positioned on the opposite side of the grave, facing me. Most likely, they were only a few years older than I am. (They didn't know that, because I look so young.) Most of their job at funerals consists of standing still and expressionless. However, every single time I looked up, the one opposite me made eye contact; every single time I broke down, I could see the corner of his mouth twitch in sympathy. I don't know why, but somehow his sympathy really helped.
Before yesterday, I didn't know that Psalm 91 is read at Jewish funerals. 91 is my psalm (I named this blog after it), and then yesterday, all of a sudden it was my grandfather's psalm, and then all of a sudden we were connected in a way we never could have been when he was alive. I wanted to do something for him, so when it came time to shovel dirt on top of the casket, I did so...twice, just for good measure.
I think it shows my strength of character that I was able to cry for the man who hurt me growing up, but the moment of which I am most proud is actually not about my feelings at all. My father, a mourner under Jewish law, also served as the Rabbi conducting the service. He was doing just fine until he started reading his eulogy, and then he started breaking down. I had one very clear thought: "Whatever happens, he CANNOT break down." I stopped my own breaking down so that I could slip over and comfort him.
In a way, though, all of this was good, or at least, something good came out of it. Judaism teaches that the greatest good a person can do is to serve on a Hevra Kedisha, the committee that prepares a dead body for burial. (Every synagogue has one.) This is considered the greatest good because the dead person can never pay you back. Needless to say, it's been my dream to serve on one for a long time, but it was always a "when I'm ready...and I'm not yet" kind of thing.
The grief I felt at my grandfather's funeral yesterday showed me something. I will feel very strong feelings of grief and possibly more the first time I do Hevra Kedisha work, and that's OK. I will push past them, and I will be a stronger person for it. I'm ready now. My mother wants me to get settled into school first; I think that's sensible. My program either allows one grade below B or no grades below B the first semester, so for this semester, I'll just focus on school. However, next semester, better believe I'm starting to serve on a Hevra Kedisha.
Throughout the ceremony, I broke down in silent, shoulder-shaking sobs multiple times. No one else had any way of getting to me and helping me (my mother snuggled me in the car on the way back), nor would it have been appropriate if they did, but there was one person who really helped without being aware of it.
My grandfather had been a Marine, so there were two active duty Marines present to do the flag ceremony. One was positioned close to me, with his back to me, and the other was positioned on the opposite side of the grave, facing me. Most likely, they were only a few years older than I am. (They didn't know that, because I look so young.) Most of their job at funerals consists of standing still and expressionless. However, every single time I looked up, the one opposite me made eye contact; every single time I broke down, I could see the corner of his mouth twitch in sympathy. I don't know why, but somehow his sympathy really helped.
Before yesterday, I didn't know that Psalm 91 is read at Jewish funerals. 91 is my psalm (I named this blog after it), and then yesterday, all of a sudden it was my grandfather's psalm, and then all of a sudden we were connected in a way we never could have been when he was alive. I wanted to do something for him, so when it came time to shovel dirt on top of the casket, I did so...twice, just for good measure.
I think it shows my strength of character that I was able to cry for the man who hurt me growing up, but the moment of which I am most proud is actually not about my feelings at all. My father, a mourner under Jewish law, also served as the Rabbi conducting the service. He was doing just fine until he started reading his eulogy, and then he started breaking down. I had one very clear thought: "Whatever happens, he CANNOT break down." I stopped my own breaking down so that I could slip over and comfort him.
In a way, though, all of this was good, or at least, something good came out of it. Judaism teaches that the greatest good a person can do is to serve on a Hevra Kedisha, the committee that prepares a dead body for burial. (Every synagogue has one.) This is considered the greatest good because the dead person can never pay you back. Needless to say, it's been my dream to serve on one for a long time, but it was always a "when I'm ready...and I'm not yet" kind of thing.
The grief I felt at my grandfather's funeral yesterday showed me something. I will feel very strong feelings of grief and possibly more the first time I do Hevra Kedisha work, and that's OK. I will push past them, and I will be a stronger person for it. I'm ready now. My mother wants me to get settled into school first; I think that's sensible. My program either allows one grade below B or no grades below B the first semester, so for this semester, I'll just focus on school. However, next semester, better believe I'm starting to serve on a Hevra Kedisha.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Miracles, Miracles...Miracles!
I thought about several titles for this post; in the end I went with the one I went with because it seemed much the simplest. I wish to write about three "miracles" that have all happened in the last 24 hours. I put "miracles" in quotation marks because they weren't like God splitting the Red Sea, or taking Israel out of Egypt with "a mighty hand and an outstretched arm." Still, if you look carefully, I do believe you'll see God in these events.
--First: I CAN WEAR THE ARM THINGY AGAIN!!! I am writing about this one first because it really does feel like the most miraculous of the three. Let me tell you the story. My pain has gotten just the tiniest bit better recently; each day as I prayed with the head thingy and my prayer shawl, I had a sort of nagging feeling that I should be wearing the arm thingy, too. In response to that feeling, I kept saying, "One day. One day soon I'll try and see." Finally, I decided I couldn't put it off any longer, so I tried. And you know what? I could! It hurts--bothers me a lot, not going to lie--but not so much that I want to scream, and more importantly, not so much that I cannot focus on my prayers.
--Second: THERE IS SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP MY VISION PROBLEMS (at least we think so) AND I AM SEEING HIM TOMORROW!!! My grandparents have a physical trainer, who works mainly with nerve problems. Yesterday, my father suggested I give him a call, so I did. He thinks he can help; I didn't want to miss more school than I had to, so I asked--not really expecting him to say yes--if he could get me in tomorrow. He answered in the affirmative. Not only that, when I asked what time, he said any time I could get there. (He's in Massachusetts.) Wow. All the glory for this one goes to God.
Now, in order for the above arrangement to work, I do have to stay with my grandparents overnight. My grandfather kind of terrorized me when I was a kid. Last night, I found myself starting to be scared...and then I said, "Self, that's ridiculous. You are an adult; you don't have to let him." He is very uncomfortable with displays of religion...and I am, well, very religious. So I decided I will compromise on a few things; no point starting unnecessary arguments.
I am still going to wear a kippah, but I picked out one of my smallest. (I have 13 in that size, so that's still a lot to choose from; the one I finally went with is the kippah s'rugah with the big flower, the second one I ever got, if anyone is interested.) I am going to pray in my room, and pray silently. I made sure I will not be wearing a shirt with Hebrew on it. I refuse, however, to tuck in my tzitziot. They make my legs itch, and it's a pain in the neck to make sure they're hidden all the time.
--Third: "MY FRIEND 'SHOSHANA' IS COMING TO SPEND THE SABBATH WITH ME!!!" My friend "Shoshana" (I gave her that code name years ago, when I was still code naming everyone) is very, very Christian. (Yes, I appreciate the irony of the Hebrew code name.) We talked on the phone for over an hour yesterday, and had some really good interfaith dialogue. I was trying to describe my synagogue (the Conservative one 16 blocks away, the only one I go to now) and explain why it is so special...and then I had an inspiration. I invited her for the Sabbath. I didn't really expect her to say yes, but she did, and she's coming next week!
I must check with my father (he's a Rabbi--ordained Conservative--he'll know) whether blessings carry the same status in other languages that they do in the original Hebrew. I want to include "Shoshana" and make her feel comfortable, and I'm willing to bet she doesn't speak or understand a word of Hebrew. However, I have to fulfill my obligation to perform these commandments; if I need to do them in Hebrew, it's just going to have to be Hebrew.
I'm reminded by these plans that God really does know all. Years ago--my sophomore year, her senior--"Shosahna" (Protestant), her boyfriend (Catholic), and I (Jewish) were in the dining hall on campus together, having interfaith dialogue, because that's what we most loved to do. On a random whim, I invited "Shoshana" for the Sabbath...to some random home I didn't have yet, wouldn't have for a few years, and whose location I certainly didn't know. And now, about three and a half years after that lunch/dinner (I think it was dinner, but I really don't remember) she really is coming to my home for the Sabbath!
Friday evening, "Shoshana" and I will spend a relaxed Sabbath evening at home. (I can't really walk sixteen blocks twice, and besides, I want to spend the time with her.) I will have to cook each piece of chicken separately, both because the oven is so small (toaster oven) and because that's how I know the timing, but if I back up the cooking time two hours and 40 minutes, and start the first piece at 3:50, I should finish the second one just in time to light candles at 6:30. I am getting green beans in place of my usual brussel sprouts because I am peculiar in terms of vegetable tastes, but pretty much everyone is OK with green beans. Saturday morning, "Shoshana" and I will go to my wonderful synagogue. She can't be counted in the minyan (prayer quorum of ten adults) because she isn't Jewish; if we actually get there on time/early and it isn't a Bar or Bat Mitzvah week, I may have to make that clear to someone. We'll see.
So those are my miracles! I wrap up with a movie quotation; see if you know it!
"There can be miracles when you believe; though hope is frail, it's hard to kill."
--First: I CAN WEAR THE ARM THINGY AGAIN!!! I am writing about this one first because it really does feel like the most miraculous of the three. Let me tell you the story. My pain has gotten just the tiniest bit better recently; each day as I prayed with the head thingy and my prayer shawl, I had a sort of nagging feeling that I should be wearing the arm thingy, too. In response to that feeling, I kept saying, "One day. One day soon I'll try and see." Finally, I decided I couldn't put it off any longer, so I tried. And you know what? I could! It hurts--bothers me a lot, not going to lie--but not so much that I want to scream, and more importantly, not so much that I cannot focus on my prayers.
--Second: THERE IS SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP MY VISION PROBLEMS (at least we think so) AND I AM SEEING HIM TOMORROW!!! My grandparents have a physical trainer, who works mainly with nerve problems. Yesterday, my father suggested I give him a call, so I did. He thinks he can help; I didn't want to miss more school than I had to, so I asked--not really expecting him to say yes--if he could get me in tomorrow. He answered in the affirmative. Not only that, when I asked what time, he said any time I could get there. (He's in Massachusetts.) Wow. All the glory for this one goes to God.
Now, in order for the above arrangement to work, I do have to stay with my grandparents overnight. My grandfather kind of terrorized me when I was a kid. Last night, I found myself starting to be scared...and then I said, "Self, that's ridiculous. You are an adult; you don't have to let him." He is very uncomfortable with displays of religion...and I am, well, very religious. So I decided I will compromise on a few things; no point starting unnecessary arguments.
I am still going to wear a kippah, but I picked out one of my smallest. (I have 13 in that size, so that's still a lot to choose from; the one I finally went with is the kippah s'rugah with the big flower, the second one I ever got, if anyone is interested.) I am going to pray in my room, and pray silently. I made sure I will not be wearing a shirt with Hebrew on it. I refuse, however, to tuck in my tzitziot. They make my legs itch, and it's a pain in the neck to make sure they're hidden all the time.
--Third: "MY FRIEND 'SHOSHANA' IS COMING TO SPEND THE SABBATH WITH ME!!!" My friend "Shoshana" (I gave her that code name years ago, when I was still code naming everyone) is very, very Christian. (Yes, I appreciate the irony of the Hebrew code name.) We talked on the phone for over an hour yesterday, and had some really good interfaith dialogue. I was trying to describe my synagogue (the Conservative one 16 blocks away, the only one I go to now) and explain why it is so special...and then I had an inspiration. I invited her for the Sabbath. I didn't really expect her to say yes, but she did, and she's coming next week!
I must check with my father (he's a Rabbi--ordained Conservative--he'll know) whether blessings carry the same status in other languages that they do in the original Hebrew. I want to include "Shoshana" and make her feel comfortable, and I'm willing to bet she doesn't speak or understand a word of Hebrew. However, I have to fulfill my obligation to perform these commandments; if I need to do them in Hebrew, it's just going to have to be Hebrew.
I'm reminded by these plans that God really does know all. Years ago--my sophomore year, her senior--"Shosahna" (Protestant), her boyfriend (Catholic), and I (Jewish) were in the dining hall on campus together, having interfaith dialogue, because that's what we most loved to do. On a random whim, I invited "Shoshana" for the Sabbath...to some random home I didn't have yet, wouldn't have for a few years, and whose location I certainly didn't know. And now, about three and a half years after that lunch/dinner (I think it was dinner, but I really don't remember) she really is coming to my home for the Sabbath!
Friday evening, "Shoshana" and I will spend a relaxed Sabbath evening at home. (I can't really walk sixteen blocks twice, and besides, I want to spend the time with her.) I will have to cook each piece of chicken separately, both because the oven is so small (toaster oven) and because that's how I know the timing, but if I back up the cooking time two hours and 40 minutes, and start the first piece at 3:50, I should finish the second one just in time to light candles at 6:30. I am getting green beans in place of my usual brussel sprouts because I am peculiar in terms of vegetable tastes, but pretty much everyone is OK with green beans. Saturday morning, "Shoshana" and I will go to my wonderful synagogue. She can't be counted in the minyan (prayer quorum of ten adults) because she isn't Jewish; if we actually get there on time/early and it isn't a Bar or Bat Mitzvah week, I may have to make that clear to someone. We'll see.
So those are my miracles! I wrap up with a movie quotation; see if you know it!
"There can be miracles when you believe; though hope is frail, it's hard to kill."
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Back-to-School Clothes
It's been a long, long time since I put together a special back-to-school outfit. However, I am starting GRADUATE SCHOOL next week. (NEXT WEEK!!!) That calls for something of a celebration, don't you think? Below is a picture of the outfit I have chosen, and then I will explain each piece. (Please ignore bed to the left and rug to the right.)
- Skirt: The skirt was chosen first. I wanted to be a little "dressed up;" one doesn't start graduate school every day, you know. I have two casual-but-dressy skirts. This one, my "medium denim," is more versatile, meaning I could choose from a broader selection of shirts to go with it.
- Shirt: I wanted to be a little "dressed up" in terms of which shirt I would wear, too. All my other Summer weekday shirts are t-shirts, so this pink polo was the natural option.
- Kippah: Obviously, with a pink shirt and denim skirt, one needs to wear a pink kippah. You may recall that I had the following options: pink suede from my Bat Mitzvah, the pink crocheted from my friend Sami, or two different machine embroidered pink silk by designer Yair Emanuel. As you can see in the picture above, I chose the second, the one made by Sami...objectively, it is probably the most special kippah I own. And just in case anyone was wondering, I will wear plain black clips with it; they are bigger, and can hold the thickness better.
- Shoes: Yes, I am branching out from sneakers all the time! I am allowing myself to do this for three reasons. First: let's be realistic, my feet are going to hurt no matter what shoes I wear. Second: I have a podiatrist's OK that these really are almost as supportive as my sneakers. Third: I am female, and feminine; that means that sometimes I need pretty shoes.
Turning to God
These days, I literally have quadruple vision: I see double, both up-and-down and side-to-side. If I close my left eye--specifically the left--and squint, the side-to-side stays the same, but the up-and-down compresses just the tiniest bit. In this position, and in this position only, I can do things such as read a book I have never read before, or walk down the street without bumping into people.
School starts in a week and a bit, and I was really hoping to fix this before that. I saw an opthalmologist yesterday; not only can he not fix it, he doesn't even know what it is. So now I have an appointment with a neuro-opthalmologist...for October 26th, because that was the soonest they could get me in. That means I'll be doing a good two months of school--and the major Fall Jewish holidays--like this.
As usual when I am scared, I have been writing to God. This time, I am so scared that we are simplifying the titles. God gets to be "my Mother" or "my Father," alternating gender with each letter. I pray for a miracle: vision restored to single; really, however, I am just hoping to learn to manage this gracefully.
So help me, God.
EDITED TO ADD: Side Note: When my graduation gift arrives, I plan to start using the candelabrum at earliest opportunity (can't really wait to start using a full-size thing for my candles). The kippah, however, I plan to save for second night Rosh Hashanah, so I have something new to make the blessing on. We say the blessing on a new day both nights of the holiday; there's an Orthodox custom to have a tangible something new, such as a new item of clothing or a food that hasn't been eaten in a certain amount of time (I forget how long) to make the blessing on, on the second night. I think it's a beautiful tradition; I started keeping it last year by saving my new winter dress skirt (caramel suede) that I had just bought, and wearing it that night.
School starts in a week and a bit, and I was really hoping to fix this before that. I saw an opthalmologist yesterday; not only can he not fix it, he doesn't even know what it is. So now I have an appointment with a neuro-opthalmologist...for October 26th, because that was the soonest they could get me in. That means I'll be doing a good two months of school--and the major Fall Jewish holidays--like this.
As usual when I am scared, I have been writing to God. This time, I am so scared that we are simplifying the titles. God gets to be "my Mother" or "my Father," alternating gender with each letter. I pray for a miracle: vision restored to single; really, however, I am just hoping to learn to manage this gracefully.
So help me, God.
EDITED TO ADD: Side Note: When my graduation gift arrives, I plan to start using the candelabrum at earliest opportunity (can't really wait to start using a full-size thing for my candles). The kippah, however, I plan to save for second night Rosh Hashanah, so I have something new to make the blessing on. We say the blessing on a new day both nights of the holiday; there's an Orthodox custom to have a tangible something new, such as a new item of clothing or a food that hasn't been eaten in a certain amount of time (I forget how long) to make the blessing on, on the second night. I think it's a beautiful tradition; I started keeping it last year by saving my new winter dress skirt (caramel suede) that I had just bought, and wearing it that night.
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About Me
- free_to_dream
- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!