Although my philosophically mournful mood failed around midday and now I am counting down the hours until I can eat, I did have some interesting thoughts this morning and would like to share them. Quoted from my journal:
"Everything I read about Tisha B'Av is about rebuilding, renewing, re-hoping! I just want to feel my feelings.
"Tragedies are sad. And dealing with them takes work, both individual and communal.
"Perhaps we can be done with the communal grief on Tisha B'Av. But my individual grief is just beginning. I'm just starting to comprehend the enormity of Jewish tragedies (from the destruction of the Temple to the Holocaust) and their effects on our people. It's too soon to be happy yet."
"Honestly, I seem to mostly be mourning the Holocaust. It seems more accessible, somehow--more modern and close to home--than the destruction of the Temple. I've seen pictures of the Holocaust. I know people who know survivors. I've read eyewitness accounts. By contrast, the destruction of the Temple seems like a story: a horrible story, yes, but nonetheless a fairy tale.
"Also, despite my best planning, I have not gotten around to mourning assimilation yet. I am simply still stuck in the Holocaust."
I really love the way the Jewish calendar provides time to feel every possible feeling. There are days for joy and for sorrow; times to fear God, to thank God, to love God, even (in psalms) to reverently scold God. The Jewish year, its special times, and our relationship with God, are truly three dimensional if we allow our souls to cooperate.
Also, check out this thought-provoking article from the Jerusalem Post:
"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."
I believe in God.
I believe in God.
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- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!