"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

A Struggle

I am going to reveal something I have never before posted here: I am not "staight". I am bi- or homosexual. And I am a Jew.

The Jewish religion frowns upon homosexual acts. That is a fact with which I have struggled before. I had a good conversation with my father (a Rabbi) last year about the nature of God and religion, and that helped me accept myself the way I am.

Then today in my Hassidism class we started watching "Trembling Before God", a movie about homosexual individuals in the haredi (ultra-Orthodox Jewish) community. I was reminded of how much traditional Judaism frowns upon my future lifestyle. I felt my Judaism slipping through my fingers the way it had before.

Except this time I held on. I went and davened after school. I will daven tonight. I love my Judaism; it is far too precious to just drop.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Rosh Hodesh Adar I

Tonight begins Rosh Hodesh Adar I. It will be a two day Rosh Hodesh, lasting through Saturday. I am writing this early because I won't get time tonight.

First, a note about double Adar: The Hebrew calendar is a lunar calendar. Lunar calendars are always slightly less than a year long; I think they are short a few days. Anyway, just as the solar calendar adds a day every four years, the Hebrew calendar must add an extra month every few years. (It's not a very regular system, and I don't remember the exact numbers.) Therefore, Adar II will be next month, and we will have to wait until then to celebrate the holiday of Purim (more on that next month.)

Secondly: I love Rosh Hodesh. I love, love, LOVE Rosh Hodesh. It really does feel like a holiday (which it is) to me. There are extra prayers of Thansgiving to be said, and it is my custom to pray out of my special siddur (prayerbook; given to me in first grade and very old and fragile now) on Rosh Hodesh as well as on Shabbat and holidays. There will be a special additional Torah reading in services this Shabbat.

Thirdly, I have resumed my custom of learning a new bracha (blessing) each month. For the month of Adar I, I have memorized the bracha for a rainbow. It commemorates the Noah story, and it is "Blessed are you God...who remembers the covenant and is faithful in His covenants and upstanding in His words."

I close with a quote for Adar. Loosely translated, it is: "When Adar enters, joy multiplies." May we all have a joyous Adar I.


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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!