Carried in His Hands


"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

God is Good.

So many Reece's Rainbow children are being adopted recently! So many children from Reece's Rainbow's "At-risk of Aging Out" page are being adopted recently! God is good.  That is all.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Public Prayer for "Jacob"

First of all, here is "Jacob" himself, the focus of our prayers:

Jacob sm

Now then:

All I'm doing now is writing one of my usual letters to God, but this time I am going public, so you all can pray along with me.

Dear God,

How my heart aches for my "Jacob"! I truly worry about him, God; in his pictures he looks as if he's starving.  I beg of You to keep him comfortable as he waits for his Mommy and Daddy to see him and come.  As I prayed last night, please get him good food and nutrition, sunshine and fresh air, bouncy balls and bubbles, puzzles and building blocks, kind nannies and orphanage workers, friendships, the medical care he needs, and a warm bed at night.  In short, God, please grant my "Jacob" the basic quality of life every human deserves, and FIND HIM A FAMILY SOON!

Thank You, God, for listening, to my whispers, my pleas, and my shouts, for my "Jacob," "my" little boy, my everything.

Your Girl

(Now everybody reading this needs to jump on the bandwagon and pray too!)

And just in case you forgot what he looks like (haha), here is "Jacob" again:

Jacob sm

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Up Early!

Today I am up early to register for classes, because registration starts up at a weird time.  If all goes well, I will be taking Senior Departmental Honors (writing a thesis), Love and Romance in Modern Hebrew Literature, Islamic Mystical Literature, Introduction to Bible II, and Israeli Politics.

More importantly, I got myself out of my "life is horrible" funk all by myself! You're never going to believe how I did it.  Life wasn't worth living and life wasn't worth living and life wasn't worth living--for like a day and a half, two days.  It was horrible! So I asked myself, "What would make life worth living again?" Not even what would make me happy--I didn't believe that was possible--but what would give me meaning, and a sense of purpose.

Immediately I thought of a woman I'll call "Laura." "Laura" was heavily involved with Reece's Rainbow and also had a particularly vicious form of cancer, the exact name of which is escaping me at the moment.  Anyway, the point is, whenever "Laura" felt particularly sick or even just down, she would donate to a Reece's Rainbow kid.

All of a sudden, I knew that copying "Laura" and making a small donation to my "Jacob" would make my week worthwhile.  I started arguing with myself: "You're a college student, you don't have money to spare."  And then I firmly told myself, "For this, you have five dollars."

So I dropped five dollars in "Jacob's" grant account, and you know what? It worked! I am out of my funk, and life is worth living again! I can even say I'm happy.

And lastly, here is a picture of "Jacob" himself, the star of this blog post.  Just a quick reminder, I continue to post his picture in the hopes that the right people will come along and see it and adopt him.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

"My" Little Boy, My Everything

It's amazing how much one can bond with someone of whom one has only a couple of lousy pictures and a brief description.  "Jacob" really is my everything right now: if I can only pray for one thing/cause/person in a day I pray for him, and praying for him is keeping me connected to God and pulling me through my darkness.  Every day and night, multiple times, I pray for him to find a home and remain comfortable and happy while he waits.  It's so fulfilling! He really is my everything.

And here is his picture, again.  You knew it was coming, didn't you?

Jacob sm

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Rosh Hodesh Nissan...The Hard Way

Today is Rosh Hodesh Nissan, the beginning of the Hebrew month of Nissan, considered by some to be the most important of the months.  It is a day of joyous song and praise to God.  Even with and through all the big and scary stuff that's going on with me right now, I forced myself to make a simple lists of ten things for which I can thank God.  I thought it might be nice to post it publicly, as inspiration to anyone who thinks he/she cannot thank God.  It is possible!

The List:
  1. Good, close, dependable friends
  2. My Judaism and my faith in God--they really pull me through
  3. God and God's presence in the world
  4. Inspirational/comforting music
  5. The Conservative Rabbi at school (I have a very close relationship with her), and also the rabbinic intern
  6. Understanding professors who are willing to work with me
  7. Sunshine and rainbows
  8. My college--it's treating me well!
  9. Holidays and meaningful life-cycle events
  10. This list--I shall refer back to it in future
And closing with a picture of my "Jacob," and whispered prayers for good nutrition and healthcare, kind orphanage workers, and that he may know the love and caring of God--that God may stand in for his Mommy and Daddy--while he waits:


Monday, March 31, 2014

Your Prayers, Please?

I would cherish--no, I think covet is a better word--your prayers right now.  I cannot be totally open on a public blog but suffice to say I am walking through some dark and difficult times.  I am trying my hardest to rest in God's hands and trust that God's got this, that God is walking beside me, that God won't let me fall, etc....but it's difficult.  Please pray for me? I don't ask often...

And of course, closing with a picture of handsome Mr. "Jacob":

Jacob sm

Sunday, March 30, 2014

"To tell of Your kindness in the mornings, and Your faithfulness each night..."

The above quotation comes from Psalm 72 and refers to God.  The idea behind it is that it is easy to thank God when everything is good (metaphorical morning), but we must praise God for sticking by us when times are bad as well (metaphorical night).

Recently I have been walking through some very tough times.  First I was coming to terms all over again with the fact that I will never have biological children, and then came the thing with my sexual orientation and identity last week, and now is something much worse than either of those that cannot go public, but suffice to say it's bad.

But you know what? I trust God, and I know that God has me on the path I'm on for a reason.  Even more than that, my trust in God lets me hold on to the knowledge that eventually, everything will be OK.  There is meaning in suffering, and it doesn't last forever.

All that being said, I would cherish your prayers.  Thanks!

And of course, a picture of "Jacob":



About Me

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I am a bipolar, Jewish teen who also suffers from RND. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. When I grow up, I think I might like to be a Rabbi. Scratch that; I AM going to be a Rabbi! Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!