Carried in His Hands


"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Friday, March 20, 2015

"Wonder of Wonders! Miracle of Miracles!"

What most of you readers know is that I have a chronic pain syndrome, RND specifically.  However, I have not filled you in on what's going on now: thanks to a workbook published by a doctor named Moskowits, I'm feeling better than I've felt in years,  better than I thought it ever possible to feel again.

The baasic premise behind Moskowits' theory is that although acute pain is a danger signal from body to brain, chronic pain is a different animal: a misfiring brain signal hitting the body.  Therefore, we can cure our pain if we simply "retrain" our brains to think differently.

And it really is as simple as that! For about five days now, I've been focusing on the mental image I made of the brain-not-in-pain every time the pain hit, and!!!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

More About Purim

Last night was honestly the first time I've had fun in weeks, and it was so refreshing! I managed to make it through the reading of the story by sitting on the floor, so my feet could be level with my butt and I could fidget as needed.  I even made noise with my noisemaker (called a gragger) in all the right places (the name of the villain).

Following the reading of the story, I went to a carnival.  I arrived too late to enter the costume contest, but that was OK because my costume was honestly somewhat lame in comparison to the others.  The winning group, for instance, went as a game of tetras.  They nested together and everything!

The funniest solo costume was a big, burly, Orthodox guy who wrote his name in Hebrew on the contest entry form...and went as Elsa from Frozen.  No one was expecting it, which made it even funnier.

Last night I proved that people who are horribly affected by weird genetic disorders can have fun too.  Take that, RND!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Purim 5775

It's been a long time since I posted here (mainly because I've been in a lot of pain, and very vulnerable, and haven't wanted to post that publicly), but the holiday of Purim is starting tonight (the Hebrew year this year is 5775, hence the title of this post), and I wanted to share with you all a little bit about what we do on this holiday and what it is all about.

First, the story of Purim.  Here we go:

King Ahasuerus of Persia and Medea holds a big drinking party, and he wants his wife, Queen Vashti, to make an appearance.  (Most scholars agree he wants her to come naked.)  Naturally, Vashti refuses; she is then banished or beheaded, depending upon which commentator you read.  The king then holds a beauty pageant to pick the next queen; its winner is a Jewish girl named Esther.  Esther's uncle-or-cousin (the Hebrew is ambiguous) who raised her warns her not to tell that she is Jewish, so Esther keeps her identity a secret.

Now.  All well and good, until the king's adviser Haman takes a disliking to Mordecai (Esther's uncle-or-cousin) and plots to kill him.  Before long, the plot is out of hand, and Haman wants to kill all Jews in the lands of Persia and Medea.  The king gives Haman his signet ring and allows him to write and sign an edict against the Jews.  Haman casts lots (Hebrew word "Purim"; this is where we get the name of this holiday) to determine what day the Jews will be killed.

When Mordecai hears this news, he goes into a state of mourning.  He sits outside the gates of the palace until Queen Esther notices him.  Once she does, he pleads with her to go to the king and intervene.  At the beginning, Esther is resistant, pointing out that none can go before the king without an invitation, and he has not sent for her in many days.  Mordecai points out that perhaps Esther was placed in the royal palace for just this task.  If she does not go before the king, he says, help for the Jews of Persia and Medea will arise from elsewhere, but Esther and her household will perish.

In a very famous line, Esther responds with, basically, "OK, if I perish, I perish."  She goes before the king, and the king offers her anything she wants, up to and including half his kingdom.  Esther invites the king and Haman to a private party that very evening.  At the party, she invites them to a second party; at that party, Queen Esther implicates Haman.  The king kills Haman and his ten sons (it is customary for the reader reading the story to read all ten names in one breath) and makes Mordecai his primary adviser, and the Jews are allowed to fight back and kill all their enemies on the day they would have been killed.

Now, here is how we celebrate Purim:

The biggest commandment is that we must hear the story read twice, every word, once in the evening and once the following morning.

We give gifts of food to friends and family and money to the poor.

We eat a lavish meal, and are in fact commanded to get drunk on wine.

And--my favorite part--we wear costumes!

I'll be honest, I usually do not manage to fulfill all these commandments.  Generally speaking, I hear the evening reading of the story and sometimes I do a costume.  This year I am doing a costume, and since I know you're curious, I am including a picture (I am going as a frog):

Friday, January 16, 2015

The Saga of "Rheann"

A while back--think like 2011-2012--I was praying for my second Reece's Rainbow child, a little girl in R*ssia whom Reece's Rainbow called "Erin," then "Rheann."  When I first started to pray for her, Reece's Rainbow was displaying the following picture; I hoped that it was very old because otherwise "Erin"/"Rheann" was very stunted in growth:

Over time, I continued to pray for "Erin"/"Rheann," and I was hungry for an updated picture.  After a while, Reece's Rainbow posted this picture:

"Erin," as RR was still calling her at that point, looked stunted in growth, but not nearly so much as in her previous photo; also, the toys and plants around her reassured me that she was still in a relatively decent place.

When P*tin closed off American adoptions from R*ssia in 2012, and Reece's Rainbow reallocated the grant money of their R*ssian kids, I asked to be reassigned as a Prayer Warrior as well, because I wanted to go where I had half a chance of making a difference.  I was assigned to a sweet-looking girl with Down Syndrome from Ch*na, "Isabella."  She found a home in a  matter of weeks of my praying for her.  After that, I was assigned to a little Ch*nese boy, "Jacob," with Down Syndrome and heart problems; I have been praying for him for almost two years now.

Even as I prayed for "Isabella" and "Jacob," "Erin"/"Rheann" remained in my heart.  Yesterday I decided to look up her listing on Reece's Rainbow (they kept all the R*ssian kids even though they cannot be adopted right now) and to my delight I discovered a new picture! Here it is:


Words cannot express how relieved this picture makes me feel.  My "Rheann" is OK: she is well-dressed and smiling.  She is OK.  She is OK.

Praise God.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Oldest Ones

This morning, as I sat at the computer humming and muttering one of my favorite songs--"Sing unto God, sing a new song, oh sing praises to God give thanks with all of your heart; sing praises unto the Lord thy God..."--I felt a...tugging, if you will, to go "visit" (look at pictures of) the children on Reece's Rainbow's "At-risk of Ageing Out" page.  Wordlessly, I brought the issue to God, asking how that would help.  Then I got another tugging, this time asking me to share each and every picture of each and every child who is at risk of ageing out.

The children on the "At-risk of Ageing Out" page are the ones who will become too old to stay in their orphanages on their birthdays this year.  That age is 14 in China (and I think other Asian countries), 16 in Eastern Europe.  The healthy ones, or those who are HIV positive with no other disabilities, will go to trade schools where they will learn skills for menial, mindless jobs, and they will always carry the stigma of "orphan" with them.  The disabled ones--both mentally and physically disabled--will be sent to horrific mental institutions.

Now.  It is my honor to share these children with you in an attempt to save them from this fate.





 Erich (1)Erich

 Walt (1)Walt (2)

Clarice 2014 2


 Heidi 2Heidi


 40223154407 Calder


 Blaine-2014MI (1)

 MartyGary and Marty





JosephJoseph Drawing


Jianna (1)Jianna (2)Jianna (3)

GeorgeGeorge 2

Trace (2)Trace (1)

Yerick (4)Yerick (1)

Charlie (2)



Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Shouting From the Rooftops for My Boy

Today I feel it necessary to "shout from the rooftops" for "my" "Jacob."  I've been praying for him, posting his picture, etc. for a year and eight months since I started working on "praying him home," as they say on Reece's Rainbow.

In that time, many things both big and small have happened in my life.  I have completed many college classes with grades both good and not so good, gone through bipolar episodes, gone through RND episodes, made friends and lost a few as well, explored who I am as a Jew.

And for all that time, "Jacob" has still been waiting for a home and parents to call his own.

Please, someone see him! Oh, please, someone see him!

Jacob smJacob


About Me

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I am a bipolar, Jewish teen who also suffers from RND. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. When I grow up, I think I might like to be a Rabbi. Scratch that; I AM going to be a Rabbi! Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!