Carried in His Hands


"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

It Had to Happen

Over the last few weeks, my chronic pain has kicked up significantly.  After much thought, heartache, and a rehab attempt gone horribly wrong, I have started a new blog on my other Google account.  It's called "Life in Pain, with Dignity"; the link is .  If you want to communicate with me, COMMENT OVER THERE, as that is the blog I will be checking.  See you soon!

Friday, October 3, 2014

"Approaching Yom Kippur"

Here is a poem I wrote in anticipation of Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year.  Its title is, naturally enough, "Approaching Yom Kippur."

"Approaching Yom Kippur"
To everyone I've injured,
I am sorry.

To the limping,
The wounded,
The maimed and the bleeding,
I'm sorry.

Kol Nidre.
U'N'taneh Tokef.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Forgive me?

Sunday, September 28, 2014

I Am a Mystic

For years now, my parents have been calling me a mystic.  It was not a title that I wanted to take for myself because it just felt too...pretentious, or something.

Then...well, then, this past Rosh HaShanah (Jewish New Year) happened, and Oh. My. Goodness.

On the first day, I fended off a demon and glimpsed the angels.

On the second day, I spent time sitting with the angels.  I learned that they are formless by default and take forms when necessary.

Oh, and they left me a handle to tug on to take myself back to them.  It doesn't always work; I'm still learning how to use it.

But I would like to say that now I am a mystic.  Like, for real.

Sunday, September 21, 2014


Over the past few weeks, through all the darkness and uncertainty, I have found comfort in clinging to all that I KNOW.  Here is a list:

I KNOW that God is with me.

I KNOW that God will not abandon me.

I KNOW that even if there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is meaning in the moment, and that is enough.

I KNOW that I have friends who love me.

I KNOW that I have family who love me.

I KNOW that one day, if only in the World to Come or following the coming of the Messiah, my suffering will be ended.

I KNOW that I am walking this road with as much dignity as possible, and I KNOW I can be proud of myself for that.

All of the above, I KNOW.

Thursday, September 18, 2014


Here is another poem about my disability, written today.  Its title is "Dawn?".

My heart pounds with my effort.
I swear to God I'm trying.

I do not swear easily,
Nor do I take God's name in vain.

My stomach churns.
My brain is spinning.
I cannot see the light of day.

Reeling, I try to comprehend
My new reality.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

"Disabled Sweetness"

I have been thinking for a while now about the best way to do this post, a post on what being disabled means to me.  I finally decided to just let a poem I wrote today, "Disabled Sweetness," speak for itself.

"Disabled Sweetness"
Bending to the forces of a disability,
To the hand that shoves you down
And will not let you back up.

Asking for the help you need,
Always scared that they'll say no.

Learning to fall with dignity,
And--tearless--rise up again.

Sweet lessons of life.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Sabbath Lamp

This nifty little contraption is a Sabbath lamp, designed for those who do not change the state of electronics on the Sabbath, but still wish to have the convenience of a light.  It is a system of two cylinders, one inside the other, with a fluorescent light bulb in the center of all that.  Each cylinder has a window, as shown.  Match up the windows, and the light shines through; twist the top so the windows do not match up, and the lamp goes dark.

 This lamp alone does not make it bright enough in my room for me to read on my bed--I need a bigger light on a timer for that--but it does ensure that I can get ready for bed with ease at whatever hour I choose. 

This adorable lamp (I feel like an advertisement) comes in about a dozen different colors--I have a blue one for my room at school--and costs around forty five dollars.  The price did make me cringe a little, but seeing this in person, I can honestly say it may be one of the best Judaica purchases I have ever made.


About Me

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I am a bipolar, Jewish teen who also suffers from RND. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. When I grow up, I think I might like to be a Rabbi. Scratch that; I AM going to be a Rabbi! Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!