Carried in His Hands

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"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Kippah Collection: Photo Update

It has been a long time since I posted photos of my kippah collection, so here are some I just took.  A number of new kippot have been added, and I have also changed how I organize the collection.  Now there is one stack of "business" kippot: my smaller ones, which I consider OK for work settings.  The remainder of the collection is stacked by materials: satins, velvets, silks, and other.

 





Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Tzitziot: The Bad and The Good

So it seems that we have entered summer weather.  (I don't care that it's still the first half of June; 90+ degrees outside is summer weather.)  This is the time of year when I question my sanity regarding my commitment to tzitziot.  They are, after all, an extra layer; and even the cotton ones (I'm not crazy enough to wear wool) get all sweaty and heavy.

And then I glance down, and I see the strings dangling right by my hip bones: two sets in front and two in back.  And I remember what a trailblazer I am at all, as a woman outwardly wearing them.  And I smile to myself, and it's all worth it.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Recent Tzedakah Activity

Just last week I donated my third-ever tzedakah box full of money--$46.90--to the Lev Lalev orphanage in Israel.  I donated to their Bridal Fund, in honor of my still-new relationship with Shepard (which PS is going beautifully).  I received an email back, thanking me for my donation, with some pictures of the girls.

Next donation goes to Heifer International.  This time, my goal is forty dollars.  Last time, I donated thirty and was able to "purchase" honeybees; this time, with forty dollars, I can "purchase" two small animals, such as ducks and chickens, or a "share" or two of a larger animal.  I'm looking forward to it.

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Meeting the Boyfriend's Parents Tonight

Tonight, after work, Shepard is picking up his parents at their house, and the three of them are coming to my neighborhood, so that I can finally meet The Parents! We are all four going out to dinner at the only certified kosher restaurant in town.

It really is time for me to meet them.  It really is.  Shepard has met mine already, and it goes both ways.  But for various reasons I can't put my finger on, I am quite nervous.

I based an outfit around the kippah they gave me, which is pink and black.  I thought it would be nice if I wore it for them.  I am in a long skirt because that is how I feel comfortable; but I have tucked in my tzitziot because there is no good reason they should have to deal with that when meeting me for the first time.  Maybe later.

Anyway.  Wish me luck tonight!

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Provocative?

I have been thinking about how very provocative it is that I, as a woman, wear a kippah and tzitziot: measured by the number of questions I get from people I know, and even people I don't.  (Sometimes I don't understand: there is no way anybody would stop a stranger on a street to ask any other question, but for this, they do.)  Sometimes I feel like answering; most of the time I don't.

It used to be different.  For years and years, I loved the attention my Judaica got me.  That's just not where I am now, though.

I do not dress the way I dress in order to field questions about Judaism.  Far from it! Most of the time these days, I hate the attention, and would do anything I could to stop it...anything except not wear my kippah and tzitziot.

For you see, I firmly believe, with the deepest depths of my heart and soul, that what I am doing is right and even mandatory.  I do believe all Jewish women should do this.  We are adults, equal to men.

That is all.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Israel Connection 5777

Allow me to preface this post with the statement that 363 days of the year, I feel very little connection to Israel, if any at all.  As a good Jewish girl in a "good" Jewish day school, I grew up on the rhetoric "Israel is home, Israel is home, Israel is home."  Well, then in 2009, I went on a class trip to Israel for two months, and I found that the rhetoric on which I had grown up simply was not true.  Israel is increasingly being dominated and run--even in government--by the ultra-Orthodox.  It is also possible to carve out a place for oneself if one is completely secular.  I am neither, somewhere in the middle; according to my experience, there is no place for me.

So why am I writing this post? I am writing this post because the above only applies to 363 days of the year; that leaves two days on which I feel different.

The first is Yom HaZikaron, Israel's memorial day for fallen soldiers and terror victims.  That was yesterday.  I no longer attend Yom HaZikaron events/ceremonies because I end up with tears rolling down my face, and that is just embarrassing.  However, I do mark the day by wearing my black velvet "sad and somber days" kippah; this year I specifically wore it with blue clips.

The second day on which I feel connected to Israel, perhaps even more than in the paragraph above, is Yom Ha'Atzmaut, Israel's Independence Day, today.  There is a controversy between the Conservative and Orthodox movements over whether or not to say Hallel, a set of psalms celebrating God's miracles, on this day.  Essentially, the argument is over whether or not the establishment of the modern State of Israel is a contemporary miracle.  Orthodox Jews say no; Conservative Jews say yes.  Because I am more Conservative than Orthodox, and because my Rabbinic authority is Conservative, I said Hallel today. 

I am also celebrating the day with the outfit I am wearing.  Except for my ladies' tallit katan, I am dressed casually; however, I made sure to wear blue and white (Israel colors).  My skirt looks denim, but is not, and flows more gently; it has a ruffle around the bottom.  It is mostly blue, and in fact would be all blue except for a purple flowered patch over a hole I made roller blading.  I have had it since middle school.  My t-shirt is one I almost never wear; however, all my blue ones are dirty, so I got this one out.  It is white, with turquoise and blue writing; I got it on my class Israel trip all those years ago.  In terms of accessories, I am wearing my fanciest blue kippah--embroidered silk, and the only blue one I purchased, rather than receiving free--with the blue flowered clips, as well as my blue glass Jewish star pendant.

So there you have it! My long winded post on my connection to Israel.  Thanks for reading!

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!