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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Rosh Hodesh Nissan 5777

Today is Rosh Hodesh Nissan, the start of the new Hebrew month of Nissan, in the Hebrew year 5777.  Passover starts this month; today is the day I start praying for "Passover miracles," as I call them, for my Reece's Rainbow babies, "Jacob" and "Rheann."

However, in this post I would like to focus more on what is done to celebrate Rosh Hodesh. Primarily, Rosh Hodesh is celebrated with extra prayers.  This makes me very excited; my dear friend Katherine (probably my best friend in the world) once told me that I was the only person she knew who would be excited by extra prayers.  There are three, listed below.

  1. First comes an extra paragraph in the Amidah, or central standing prayer.  The paragraph is called "Ya'aleh V'Yavo."  I just skimmed it really quickly, because I always say it in Hebrew and my Hebrew isn't good enough to remember what it means.  Basically, "Ya'aleh V'Yavo" is about remembering the Jewish people and our ancestors with goodness and merit; as well as the coming of the Messiah, descended from King David.
  2. After normal morning prayers comes a collection of Psalms called "Hallel."  Hallel is all about praising God for various miracles, and most of the selections have pretty tunes.  In fact, I nearly always do Hallel out loud just so I can sing through it.
  3. Finally, an extra Amidah is added.  It is called the "Musaf" Amidah, literally "additional." Those of us who wear tefillin take them off before reciting this part of the service.
Also, I celebrate Rosh Hodesh by dressing up a little in three ways: ladies' tallit katan, spritz of perfume, and jewelry.  Today's jewelry is my pink/gold/white/magnetic coil bracelet; and yes, there are reasons I am wearing bracelet only.  I cannot tolerate rings in this kind of pain, and the neckline of the blouse I am wearing does not allow for necklaces.  I used to also wear my fancy bobby pins on Rosh Hodesh; but since Shepard gave me the set of pretty, flowered clips for Valentine's Day, the fancy bobby pins have been retired.

So there you have it! Rosh Hodesh Nissan.

Sunday, March 26, 2017

Over-the-Moon

In my own terminology, I am over-the-moon excited and happy right now, despite feeling mentally ill.

Why? Because at the end of the week, stretching into next, I am going back to work with Joseph Antoine Alston (real name used with permission).

Joseph is the only person, on God's Earth, who can consistently, drastically help my pain.

He heals by touch.  I'm sorry, I know, people have asked, but I know of no other way to describe or explain what he does.  You either get it or you don't.

True, it would be nice if he could heal me once and for all, but he comes closer than anybody else. Besides, needing him regularly means I get to see him regularly.

In the end, that's what I am over-the-moon about.  Joseph and I connect as "kindred spirits," as Anne of Green Gables would say.  I am not over-the-moon about the medical stuff.  I am over-the-moon about seeing Joseph and connecting again, person to person.

Friday, March 24, 2017

Sweetly Bitter Adaptation

Over my years of dealing with various disabling medical conditions (Bipolar Disorder and RSD, mainly), I have come to learn something: usually, adaptation is better than fighting.

I have the perfect example.

I try to do ritual prayers every day, but God's and my main, direct form of communication is the letters I write.  I can come to God with any issue, and sometimes, just often enough that I know it is real, I get an answer back.

For months now, or at the very least weeks, I hadn't been writing.  This was because I couldn't hold a pen and write long enough to fill a page, and I felt as though I couldn't write "enough of" a letter.

Then it occurred to me: any communication is better than no communication at all, so now I write half-page letters.

Perfect solution? No.  Do I long to be able to write "enough?" Yes.  But I adapted to the pain rather than fighting it, and came out further ahead.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

God will fix it; God will fix it; God will fix it; GOD WILL FIX IT.

*My apologies if this post is random and disorganized.  Please trust me, I'm doing the best I can do.*

In the midst of cycling through a bipolar episode, I have discovered that Judaism soothes me like nothing else in the world.  I do aim for the most intellectual Jewish activity I can absorb and process. Prayer--ritual if it is time for that and I haven't done it yet (I always do it as soon as possible in case I can't later), letters to God at other times--tops the list.  If I can't deal with outputting prayer, next on the list is reading my Bible or Psalms.

There are times, however, when even the ancient religious texts that have brought comfort to so many are unbearable.  Those are the times when I turn to the simplest mantra I could think up--"God will fix it"--repeated over and over.  It is true, because God is the Great Healer.  Whether in a way of which I approve and/or that I can understand, or in a different way, God will fix this situation.

"I believe with perfect faith in the coming of the Messiah.  And even though [s/]he be delayed, with all this, I will wait for him[/her], every day, that [s/]he will come."

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

World Down Syndrome Day 2017

Today, March 21st, is World Down Syndrome Day.  (Because 03/21 for Trisomy 21.)  I am not very eloquent on this topic, and I have to dive into homework right after this post.  I thought I would walk you all through my experiences praying for kids with Down syndrome.

Every Reece's Rainbow child for whom I have been Prayer Warrior, except the first, have/had Down syndrome.  That's three out of four: "Rheann," "Isabella," and "Jacob."

This is "Rheann."  I have literally watched this girl grow up in pictures, from her baby picture that showed when she was first listed, to the beautifully graceful young woman she is now.  This is her most recent picture:
b8jn5-165jf Rheann 2016

This is "Isabella."  She found a family, as Reece's Rainbow says, really quickly after I started praying for her: so quickly, in fact, that she is only mentioned two or three times in my letters to God.  I do not say my prayers caused miracles because I am not that arrogant, but it is still really cool that this happened that way.
Isabella-smiling

And finally, this precious child is my "Jacob."  I have been praying for him for almost four years, and will continue until he finds a home or ages out.
Jacob

I am dedicated to helping disabled children in general, and especially those with Down syndrome, any way I can.  I will donate money when I have it, and I will pray.  If anybody can think of anything else for me to do, please let me know.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Prayers for O

I have just enough time before I leave for vision therapy to write this post!

Today I would like to talk about the people who are slot number nine on my prayer list: O and her family. Being slot number nine (out of ten) means nothing at all; when I include others in my prayers, I do the whole list.  There are ten slots, all filled right now; as my prayers are answered "yes," people come and go.

"O" is the only name by which I know this young woman, but I firmly believe God knows and understands the subjects of our prayers, no matter what names we use.  "O's" mother blogs at mamaporuski.wordpress.com.

"O" is roughly my age, in fact I believe we were born the same year.  She was adopted from Ukraine as a teenager.  She has limb differences, mental disabilities, and autism.  That's a lot to deal with, and a lot for me to pray for.

When I pray for "O", I never pray for her disabilities to go away because I don't believe God does that.  Rather, I pray for comfort and the ability to handle what life throws at her; for healing from any medical procedures she has recently undergone; and for the ability to tolerate any new medical things.

I also pray for "O's" family to be able to help her and heal her.

My usual prayer for "O" and family is for God to remain present in their lives, no matter what they are going through.

And now, this second, I must post this and leave for vision therapy.

Sunday, March 19, 2017

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XVII

And, finally, here is the last round of this type for this game! It has been amazing to help the world in this way.  Here are Down Syndrome, Girls, 0-2.

This is "Charlotte."  She is two years old and in country PRC.
evelyn2

This is "Mona."  She is one year old and in country EE-4.
mona-feb-2017

This is "Meilani."  She is one or two years old and in country PRC.
meilani

This is "Harriet."  She is two years old and in country PRC.
harper

This is "Mari Rose."  She is one year old--or possibly younger--and in country EE-1.
marina-rose1

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XVI

I am totally exhausted, and cannot do any more school work today.  I thought how wonderful it would be if I finished showing Reece's Rainbow children.  So here are the Down Syndrome, Boys, 0-2.

This is "Braxton."  As well as Down syndrome, he is diagnosed with "specific mixed developmental disorder;" bronchial asthma; and an open arterial duct.  He is two years old and in country EE-7.
Braxton2

This is "Rafferty."  He is two years old and in country PRC.
Rafferty 2016

This is "Adley."  As well as Down syndrome, he has been diagnosed with tetralogy of fallot.  He is one year old--or possibly even younger--and in country EE-1.
adleyb

This is "Archer."  He is one year old and in country EE-4.
archer-jan-2017

This is "Tyler."  He is two years old and in country EE-4.
tyler-jan-2017

The :"Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XV

I am having major problems focusing and concentrating today.  I am very nervous that I am getting sick again, but feeling the nervousness will NOT help.  What will help is pulling out my coping strategies, a major one of which is this game.  I am up to the Down Syndrome, Girls, 3-5 page on Reece's Rainbow; please see below.

This is "Rosalia."  She is five years old and in country PRC.
Rosie-Adoptable-4yo-DS

This is "Faith Ann."  As well as Down syndrome, she is diagnosed with congenital heart disease and esotropia.  She is either just turned five or nearly five (her birthday is this month), and she is in country PRC.
Faith RK

This is "Bonnie."  As well as Down syndrome, she is diagnosed with congenital heart disease. She is four or five years old and in country PRC.
Bonnie

This is "Bella."  As well as Down syndrome, she has a congenital heart defect.  She is four or five years old and in country EE-4.
bella-update-2016

This is "Shaena."  She is five years old and in country PRC.

Saturday, March 18, 2017

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XIV

I have been tossing and turning for half an hour, my time limit before I get up, engage in an activity, and then try to sleep again.  I could not come up with anything I had done to repair the world today.  I thought a round of this game might be just the thing to solve both problems.  I believe I am up to Down Syndrome, Boys, 3-5.

This is "Beauregard."  He is four years old and in country PRC.
Beau (1)

This is "Larry."  He is four or five years old.  I cannot find a country code.
Larry collage

This is "Sean."  He is three or four years old.  He is in country EE-1.


This is "Asher."  As well as Down syndrome, he is diagnosed with Hirschsprung's Disease.  He is four years old and in country EE-4.
asher-nov-2016

This is "Nicholas."  He is five years old and in country EE-4.
Nicholas

Friday, March 17, 2017

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XIII

It is just about an hour until I plan to light Shabbat candles (lighting a little early to allow for prayers and dinner before my boyfriend comes over), and the very best way I can think to fill some of that time is to do one of these posts.  I am up to Down Syndrome, Girls, 6-9.

This is "Tarsha."  As well as Down syndrome, she is diagnosed with postoperative CHD (tetralogy of fallot).  She is nine years old and in country PRC.
Tara 2

This is "Hannah."  She is seven years old and in country PRC.
Hannah-sm

Special shout-out for "Angelica!" (No picture.)  As well as Down syndrome, she is diagnosed with three congenital heart defects: VSD, ASD 11, and PDA.  She is seven years old and in country EE-2.

This is "Gabi."  She is nine years old and in Latin America.
Gabi update (1)

This is "Everlynne."  She is six years old and in country PRC.
Everly

LONG Post (Three Parts!): The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XII; My Chesed Collage; and Growing as a Jew

So as you can see from the title, this is going to be a long post! That is because I only have time for one real writing time today (have to do lots of homework, and cook dinner for me tonight and my boyfriend and me tomorrow night, and shower, and call home all before Shabbat), but I have a lot to say! So here we go.

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game: Round XII

This is the most important part of my post today, because this part really helps the world.  Today I am posting five children from Reece's Rainbow's Down Syndrome, Boys, 6-9 page.  This is the group I think about most because it includes my "Jacob;" and yes, I am including him.

This is "Jacob."  As well as Down syndrome, he has several heart conditions: congenital heart disease; and an interventricular septum membrane department tumor and defect.  He is six years old and in country PRC.
Jacob

This is "Stanley."  As well as Down syndrome, he has three heart defects: VSD; ASD; and Pulmonary valve stenosis.  He is either about to turn seven or just turned seven (his birthday is this month), and he is in country PRC.
Stanley1

This is "Tomas."  As well as Down syndrome, he is diagnosed with severe mental delays and congenital cardiopathy.  He is eight or nine years old and in Latin America.


This is "Nolan."  As well as Down syndrome, he is diagnosed with a congenital heart defect.  He is six years old and in country EE-4.
nolan-jan-2017

This is "Heinrich."  He has MANY diagnoses besides Down syndrome: "specific mixed developmental disorder;" "features of autism;" farsightedness; atopic dermatitis; functional heart murmur; and hydrocephalus.  He was also born with pneumonia.  He is seven or eight years old and in country EE-7.



Chesed Collage
Below are pictures of my "Chesed Collage!"  "Chesed" is Hebrew for lovingkindness, and a collage is a collage.  Any time I make or receive a memento from an organization to which I donated, I add to this ongoing project, hanging above my bed.  That way I have a tangible reminder of the good I've done in the world, as well as a visible push to do more.  You'll see how it works in a minute.

This is an overview of the entire thing.  Left to Right: my newest piece, a post card from Heifer International, with a nice note on the back (the side against the wall) telling me my donation of honeybees is helping people in Honduras; printed-from-a-word-document photos of "my" Reece's Rainbow kids, the two for whom I am praying (I made this piece myself); three photos of their girls sent to me by Lev Lalev after I donated there.

And here is the first piece, the post card from Heifer.  I almost hung it flipped over, with the nice note showing; however, the picture side is sufficiently cute that I hung it this way instead, and I am satisfied.

Up top is my more important Reece's Rainbow kid, the one to whom I am officially assigned: my "Jacob," nearly seven years old, diagnosed with Down syndrome, in PRC.

And down below is the Reece's Rainbow kid from whom I asked to be reassigned when her country outlawed American adoptions--and then I found I couldn't forget her: my "Rheann," who turned 15 years old this year, also diagnosed with Down syndrome, and in Eastern Europe.

And to the far right of the collage, the three photographs of Lev Lalev girls sent to me when I donated there.  These are actually my favorite part of the collage.

Growing as a Jew

Finally, an update on my Jewish life.  Every time I go through a bipolar episode, my Jewish life crumbles; now that I am feeling better, I am working on piecing it back together.  I am finding it useful to have a mental image of my "ultimate Jew," to know which commandments I feel the need to keep and which ones I don't care about at all.  For instance, at least for now, I am working my way up to ritual prayer three times daily and ritual handwashing in the mornings; I feel absolutely no need, however, to say the long grace after meals after eating bread.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round XI

I am home, and ready for bed, and going to bed at nine, as I really attempt to do almost every night. Especially with my boyfriend coming over this weekend, and the cooking and cleaning that go into that, I undoubtedly need the sleep; and that is why I am home, getting sleep, instead of at tonight's meeting of the bisexuals group.  (I had school tonight but could have made it for the end of the meeting and dinner.)

I am feeling down and out about all of the above.  This game is the surest way to raise my spirits, though, so here we go: Down syndrome, Girls, 10+! (By the way, I should mention that on Reece's Rainbow, the children with Down syndrome are divided into FOUR age groups: 0-2, 3-5, 6-9, 10+.)

This is "Nina."  As well has Down syndrome, she has a heart defect and a prior history of kidney stones.  She is 12 years old and in country PRC.
Niamh-smaller

This is "Annalise."  As well as Down syndrome, she has a repaired CHD.  She is 13 years old and in country EE-4.
Annalise

This is "Megan."  She is 13 years old and in country EE-1.


This is "Lisa," whom I absolutely had to post because her picture is so heartbreaking! She is 14 or 15 years old and in country EE-1.
Lisa-2002

This is "Trudy."  As well as Down syndrome, she is diagnosed with Hep B.  She is 12 years old and in country PRC.
trudy-update

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round X

Currently, I am sucking on a lollipop (strawberry) and waiting for it to be time for afternoon prayers (1:34 pm).  Yes, I am doing homework, too.  Side note: Heifer International sent me a postcard acknowledging my donation, and I hung it on my wall.  My honeybee purchase is helping  people in Honduras.  I now have something on my wall from every organization I help.  Perhaps I will take a picture and post it, later.

Now.  I am finally up to the kids with Down syndrome on Reece's Rainbow.  They are divided much like the Other Angels: gender and age.  Today I am posting from the Down syndrome, boys, 10+ page.

This is "Jotham."  He is 10 years old and in country EE-4.
Jotham Photo 2 Oct-2014

This is "Marcus."  He is 12 years old and in country PRC.
Marcus

This is "Paul."  He is 13 years old and in country EE-1.


This is "Dylan."  He either just turned 14 or is about to turn 14.  (His birthday is this month.)  He is in country EE-1.


This is "Tyler."  He is 14 or 15 years old and is in an unnamed country (or at least I cannot find the code.)

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round IX

Not for a health reason at all, but just because my brain cannot do homework right now and it isn't time to call my boyfriend yet, I am doing a round of this game.  This round will finish the HIV+ children, with HIV+ 0-5.

There is only one child on that page who is not in a sibling group! (In the sibling group, only one child is HIV+.)  Here he is.

This is "Clyde."  As well as HIV, he is diagnosed with Down syndrome, "disorder of brain," atopic dermatitis, torticollis, atrial septic defect, biliary tract issue.  He is three or four years old and in country EE-1.

The "Do Good, Feel Good" Game Round VIII

Although I am too worn out to do any more schoolwork today (I really wanted to, but this soon after an episode, limits must be respected), I am not too worn out to help the world...never too worn out for that.  Today's children come from the Reece's Rainbow HIV+ 6-9 page.  6-9 is my favorite age group from which to adopt: the age group child I hope to adopt myself one day.

This is "Nevan."  He is nine years old and in Africa 5.
Nevan (2)

This is "Tyrese."  As well as HIV, he is diagnosed with "disorder of brain;" divergent concomitant strabismus; atopic dermatitis; umbilical hernia; and possible FAS.  He is six or seven years old and in country EE-1.
tyrese

This is "Henley."  As well as HIV, he has a slight mental delay.  He is eight or nine years old and in country EE-1.
henley

This is "Oscar."  As well as HIV, he is diagnosed with FAS, other disorders of the nervous system, other disorder of psychological development, chronic atticoantral suppurative otitis media.  He is six or seven years old and in country EE-1.


Special shout-out for "Deric."  (No picture.)  As well as HIV, he is diagnosed with thrombocytopenia.  He is five or six years old and in country EE-8.


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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!