"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Little Worried...

I am a little worried because the "channel," so to speak, between me and God, is currently very often open. Two days ago I actually went partway "through" it. (I put "through" quotes because this stuff does not happen in our world's concept of space, time, etc.) I came back before I had any real visions, but still. A slip like that is enough to make anyone scared. (In case I forgot to mention it, my visions etc. are dangerous because they seem to lead to bipolar episodes.)

A friend of mine mentioned to me today that the visions etc. happen "in my head." Well, the truth is, they do and they don't. They absolutely do not happen in "real" space, yet at the same time, they happen as far outside of self as it is possible to go.

I have decided to currently live a halakhic (obedient to the laws) Jewish life, but not much more. I will not write any letters to God, reread any letters I have already written to God, etc.

And, as always, a plea for prayers for "Erin." Just for fun, please comment (it can be anonymous) if you are praying for her or are a Prayer Warrior yourself. I would like to see how many we have.

Friday, March 23, 2012

So here I am...

...sitting behind the circulation desk at my job at the library, just...well...sitting. I thought it might be a good time to update the blog.

First off, I started a new "prayer portfolio" for myself. I like to write prayers sometimes, and I had a special journal in which to do that, but I found myself leaving it behind and then not writing anything for fear of losing it. Looking around my room at home, I found a folder that opens at the top and has many pockets inside. I put some paper and a pen in the last pocket, and my "prayer portfolio" was ready to go. Problem solved! Now I can write a prayer anytime I want, and just save it to stick in my folder when I have access to it again. All my prayers for "Erin" go in the front most pocket.

Speaking of "Erin" (reecesrainbow.org, Russia, region 1), I have lately been feeling a major, and I mean MAJOR, urge to pray for her. I find myself praying multiple times a day, every waking moment, simple prayers as well as a formal letter to God. (As mentioned above, I find that my big prayers come out better if I write them down and read them aloud.)

I hope that nothing bad is happening to "my" little girl. My "sixth sense intuition" has been right about things like this in the past, so I wouldn't be surprised if something big were, in fact, about to happen to her. Maybe she will find or family, or, depending on how you look at it, they will find her!

Regardless, she is in Russia, region 1; and I am in New Jersey, USA. I am not in a position to do any more for her than pray. I will, however, do that with full heart and soul.

As always, I urge you to join me in praying for "Erin", or better yet, sign up to be a Prayer Warrior yourself (reecesrainbow.org, Ways to Help, Prayer Warriors)! Every. Single. One. of those children listed desperately needs a home and a family.

All my love and prayers to "Erin" and her future. May God hear and heed them.

Thursday, March 15, 2012


I checked with my father, who is a rabbi, and found out that one can wear tallis and tefillin during afternoon prayers if one missed morning prayers. So I did. And it felt wonderful.

I can feel channels opening up for visions etc., but believe it or not this time I am determined to resist them. Last October we finally picked up on the fact that a vision phase is always followed by a bipolar episode, and it's just not worth the risk. I am taking precautions, including keeping my eyes open during prayer if the connection feels really strong, to ensure that I do not go to that world.

I love that world. It's beautiful. But since I cannot function and stay healthy in this world if I visit there, I will stay in this world for now.

I miss it...

It is crucial to me to pray in the mornings. I like to pray at other times of day as well, but my day just does not seem to start out right without morning prayers. The problem here is that my psych meds (henceforth known as "crazy pills") make me too sedated to get up on time. On school etc. days, I wake up without enough time to pray before I dash out the door; I days at home on break I literally just wake up too late.

Yesterday was the first (and so far only) day in a while that I have managed to get up, put on tallis and tefillin, and actually pray. And as I did I have thought, "I have missed this..."

"Doing Jewish" makes me feel so good. And I really do miss this time.

Darn crazy pills.


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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!