"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Apparently I do have it in me to post today, so I am posting.

I just got done looking at HIV+ children between the ages of 6 and 9 on the Reece's Rainbow website. My heart aches for every one of them.

For yes, despite all that is going on in Israel/Gaza, despite my constant worry and frequent breaks in my day to recite psalms, I still care about Reece's Rainbow. All children everywhere deserve safe and loving homes.

In terms of the Israel/Gaza conflict and my non-Jewish friends, some of them get it and some of them don't. "Charlotte" understands and is supportive completely; others not so much.

Regardless, I am scared for Israel. I am also scared to start the CHOP RND rehab program tomorrow. It will have good results, and I will most likely come out the other end feeling better than I've felt in a couple of years, but it is not going to be fun AT ALL.

If you are the type who prays, would you say a prayer for me, and one for Israel please? Thank you very much.

Sick to my Stomach

I cannot blog today. I am literally sick to my stomach over the situation in Israel. No looking at Reece's Rainbow today. No updates on my emotions etc. Not even an update on the Israel situation--that one you can look up for yourself, anyway. Off to go read some psalms. Goodbye.

Saturday, November 17, 2012


I hardly know where to begin tonight. Despite not wanting to go all political on this blog, I have to post a little bit about the situation in Israel and Gaza:

1. Air strikes continue back and forth.
2. Civilian casualties continue to occur on both sides.
3. My father thinks this could be a distraction for Iran's progress towards a nuclear warhead.

Despite the situation in Israel, however, I cannot stop praying for "Rheann" and the other children listed on Reece's Rainbow. They continue to need our prayers as well; nothing about their situation or needs has changed just because Gaza and Israel are at war. Tonight I looked at HIV+ children ages 0-5. It's a shame these children are considered "disabled." HIV is a truly manageable condition; with the right medications, people with HIV can have a full lifespan. Additionally, HIV can only be spread via mixing of bodily fluids. Kissing, hugging, drinking from the same cup, and other types of casual family contact CANNOT spread HIV!

Also, before I forget: I have a spot in my doctor's RND rehab program! I start Monday morning, and I am SO excited. It is not so much that I am excited to go through the program itself--that will be grueling and not very pleasant--but that I am looking forward to coming out the other end, out into the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel."

Friday, November 16, 2012

The Weight of the World

Do you ever feel as though the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders, and you cannot carry it? As if everyone, everywhere, needs your help and prayer, and you don't know where to begin, let alone how to continue, forget about how to stop?

I do. I am feeling that way today. There is so much pain, so much suffering in the world, and I just can't figure out what to do about it. Writing to God privately doesn't seem like enough, but maybe if I write a public letter to God, those of you who pray can join with me. Maybe that will come closer to being enough. Here I go:

Dear God,

I hardly know where to begin as I think of the tragedies affecting children the world over. Children are dying, God: from starvation and AIDS in Africa and from Qassam rockets and grads in Israel. No child should be robbed of his or her life, God. That simply isn't fair.

Among the dying children, God, are the precious lives languishing in mental institutions in Eastern Europe. I just read today about one region where most of the children die after three months in the institution. How can this be?! How can You let this happen?!

I know I have said I no longer conceive of You as a big pointing finger, God; You are more like a stream of water to me, and we humans must "place the rocks"--that is, use our own resources, skills, and opportunities--to "change the current" and help the world. Today, however, I wish I could still keep up that belief in a pointing finger: a pointing finger that would touch down and save the children of the world.

Dear God,

For Heaven's sake I'm doing what I can! Though my usual cause is Reece's Rainbow, and most of the time I only have spiritual energy for one cause, today I have energy for all the children of the world. Thank You for helping me to find that energy, and thank You for whomever reads this and joins me in prayer.

Doubting a Bit, But Still Loving You,
Your Girl

Across the World

November is adoption awareness month, and all over the world, there are children in need.

This morning, I "visited" the Down Syndrome girls 10+ page on the Reece's Rainbow website. "My" "Rheann" is on this page, making it doubly painful to look at. I seem to have been mistaken about whether or not these children could keep their grants once they turned  ten: I thought they couldn't, but it looks as though they can. Regardless, these children are BEAUTIFUL, and I'm not just saying that. I know that I have only seen pictures, no video clips or real life action; I also know that there are MAJOR challenges to raising such a child. But these girls deserve a chance.

And then there are the children in Gaza and Israel living under constant rocket fire. I watched a video clip on Facebook last night of a little girl in Israel saying she almost stopped going to kindergarten because she was afraid of the rockets. I imagine that the children in Gaza are living under similar conditions. If you ask me where I side, I side with Israel, but as my friend "Margaret" pointed out, civilian deaths are always wrong and this violence needs to stop.

While the above problems are real and huge and grabbing one's attention (as they should), however, there are children living in other crises the world over. There is, for example, the AIDS crisis in Africa (about which I know nothing except that it exists) and the people living in shacks made from garbage etc. in Guatemala. (I've seen the pictures.)

What I'm trying to say is that the need is great and I can't do it all alone. I would love it if you could pick a cause and donate a little money today, but if you cannot, please just say an extra prayer or two. I am not Christian; I believe social action, not prayer, is the most effective way to help; in fact, I have no idea how much good prayer does or even if it does any good at all. I do know, however, that if I don't pray, I will be doing nothing to help and nothing good for which I can claim credit will happen. Put that way, how can I not pray?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

I Stand with Israel

A break from all the Reece's Rainbow stuff, but just as important, if not more, right now:

Israel has been under nearly constant missile fire from Gaza since withdrawal from the Gaza Strip in 2005. Over 800 rockets have fallen this year alone, 245 of them in the last day.

Yes, that's right: over the last 24 hours, approximately ten rockets per hour have fallen on Israel.

Sadly, although the situation is magnified, the scene is not unfamiliar. Children in the area are literally growing up with PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) as similarly traumatized adults try to keep them safe as they raise them.

Israel responded to this attack with their own missile fire last night, and they are planning a ground attack as well.

Lives, soldier and civilian, are in danger. We must stand strong. Hear me now: I AM A JEW. I STAND WITH ISRAEL.

Older Boys

I just got done looking at Down Syndrome boys, 10+ on the Reece's Rainbow website. The sobering truth is that, out of all the Reece's Rainbow children, these boys comprise the group least likely to get adopted. For some reason, more adoptive parents want girls than boys; on top of that there is the simple fact that, as the children get older, it is harder to find them families.

I am not saying everyone on here should go adopt an older boy with Down Syndrome. I'm not even sure I could adopt and raise an older boy with Down Syndrome. (I do want to adopt someday, possibly a child with disabilities, but not an older boy.) I am asking that, if you want to raise awareness, pray, donate, or otherwise help any child on Reece's Rainbow, please consider these boys.

Also, Domino Status Flood has officially begun! Only one friend of mine has posted a status so far, but the day is still quite young. I am excited.

[Edited to add: We have so far only gotten six participants including me. Given what's going on between Israel and the Gaza strip right now, however, I am neither surprised nor dissatisfied. Even if only these six post and no one else does today, I still feel that I have accomplished something.] 

If you see this, please participate in Domino Status Flood by setting your status to a three sentence or so blurb about Reece's Rainbow and leaving it there for two hours. Thank you!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Domino Status Flood

Tonight at midnight kicks off my very first Facebook event that I organized, Domino Status Flood. (The title made more sense in my head than it does out here.) The idea behind it is to publicize Reece's Rainbow so that maybe someone somewhere, with greater means than mine, will donate or even just pray a little extra. To that end, I have asked everyone I know and dare to bother to please post a 3-5 sentence blurb about Reece's Rainbow as their Facebook status sometime tomorrow and leave it there for two hours.

Now here's the exciting part. In terms of who's participating, I have: seven "yes" answers on the actual event, one "maybe" answer on the actual event, four confirmed "yes" answers via other means, and three or four (I lost count somewhere) contacts who have yet to get back to me. That means, at a minimum, I have ELEVEN people lined up to advocate for Reece's Rainbow tomorrow.

I know it's not a lot. That's a small number of people. But if every one of those eleven people gets the attention of eleven more people...we are going somewhere. And you know what? Even if only one person donates one dollar to one child...well, as they say in the starfish story, "It made a difference to that one."

More Reece's Rainbow

Although this part of the post is very important, I want to get it out of the way so I can focus the rest of this post on "Rheann."

This morning I "browsed" through Down Syndrome girls, ages 6-9. I'm telling you they're at least worth looking at and praying for. Maybe donate a little something too; a bunch of "little somethings" really add up and can make a lot of difference, allowing a family who could never finance an adoption on their own to actually consider it and maybe even go for it. Also, you all should know that the children listed cannot keep their individual grants once they turn ten; at that point, all the money is pooled into a general "older child" fund.

Earlier this morning I wrote a letter to "Rheann." Completely silly, I know, because to the best of my knowledge it is impossible to send things like that to these kids (I tried once before to send a birthday card when "my" previous little boy turned three), but I had to get my feelings out because they were so intense. I am praying for her, I care what happens to her, and I would like to say that I love her, although that's hard to tell based only on two pictures and a month and year of birth.

I must say, however, that I was very relieved when the newer photograph of her first appeared on Reece's Rainbow sometime last year. Many of these children are very delayed in all areas of development, partly due to disabilities and partly due to institutional living. The first picture of "Rheann," the one I saw when I was first matched with her, depicted what appeared to be a three or four year old who was supposedly ten. The new picture portrays a child who appears to be six or seven but is really almost eleven; that, however, is much more encouraging than the old picture. Am I making sense?

For your reference, here are both pictures: (You've seen them both before, but I wanted to post them together for comparison's sake.)

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

On the Reece's Rainbow Front...

First and most importantly, as I mentioned yesterday, I started an open Facebook group called "Reece's Rainbow Awareness." Please go join! What I did not mention was that this Thursday we are having an event I named "Domino Status Flood." The idea is that for just two hours on Thursday, you devote your Facebook status to Reece's Rainbow: who they are, what they do, why it is important, and a link back to their website; three sentences minimum. If you wish to see the original announcement, join the Facebook group and go to Events.

Today, as always, "Rheann" is very much on my mind, but so are the Down Syndrome boys ages 6-9. Many, if not most, of these boys have already been transferred to mental institutions, and the sad truth is that by the time these kids are considered "older," (AKA now)  fewer people want to adopt them. Not only that, but to my understanding, they will "age out" at age sixteen when, if they were not institutionalized already, they will be transferred to an adult institution, where they will spend the rest of their lives.

 (I did a post last November called "Raising Awareness: Mental Institutions." If you need an eye-opener for this cause, go read it.)

Monday, November 12, 2012

My Heart is Breaking

Although, given yesterday's action, this may not be my last blog post of the day, I feel like posting now. I can always edit it or post again later.

Since last night, my heart has been breaking again and again every time I think of "Rheann." I really did think that she had a family, and the realization that she does not, that the little girl for whom I prayed for two years (with a break when I thought she had a family) still does not have a home, is earth-shattering, or at least me-shattering.

Also, just a little while ago I was on the Reece's Rainbow website looking at the page I was up to for today: Down Syndrome girls, 3-5. Break my heart all over again. Such adorable little girls, and so many of them labeled "transferred." I can barely imagine what they must look like now as opposed to how they looked in their baby house pictures.

Also, about the Facebook group: I am going to let it sit for a week just to see what happens to it, but then I have a couple of ideas for ways to help that require only a few minutes of your time. [Edited to add: Screw the waiting-a-week thing, I an starting the first event now.]

Here I am dropping a "prayer rock" in the "River of God": May "Rheann" and all the others (but especially "Rheann") stay safe and well cared for and find homes soon!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

One more blog post for the night...

Remember "my" little girl? "My" little "Erin?" Well, I could not find her on the Reece's Rainbow website anymore, and was told by someone who works with them (Julia at covenantbuilders.blogspot.com) that her name was now "Rheann." I thought Julia meant someone had adopted "Rheann," and I stopped praying.

Well, silly me, folks. I have an important announcement. "RHEANN" STILL DOES NOT HAVE A FAMILY. That's right; you read that correctly. "MY" LITTLE GIRL IS STILL HOMELESS. From the background in her picture, she appears to be in a good place, but no matter how good, an orphanage is not a home.

I would repost her picture so everyone could see the little girl for whom I'm praying, but I want to make sure it's legal first. For those who want to see it now (actually, there are two pictures of her) she is on the Down Syndrome Girls 10+ page on reecesrainbow.org

[Edited to add: Here is her picture!]


"My" first prayer-child, a little boy, found his home back in August of 2010. I signed up to be a "prayer warrior" (Reece's Rainbow terminology; not a very Jewish-sounding term, I know) for a second time immediately after.

That means I've been praying for "Rheann" since August of 2010. It's November of 2012, people. In just the short time that I've "known" her, "my" little girl has been waiting for a home for over two years...and God only knows how long she was waiting before that.

A Stab at Making a Difference

Today I was sitting and chatting with my roommate "Julie" about Reece's Rainbow and my passion therefor. She essentially said she was not satisfied with me simply posting and praying and that I should be doing something to make a "real" difference.

I asked for ideas. She gave me many, including starting a Facebook group. That one took hold.

As a result of my conversation with "Julie", there is now a Facebook group entitled "Reece's Rainbow Awareness." The group description will tell you more about what we are doing. This is a small group hoping to make a small difference, but an open group, meaning anyone can join and participate, and this could lead to a big group making a big difference. Won't you join me in my efforts?

[Edited to add: Call me an idiot, but in my eagerness to make a difference I did not check ahead of time and only found the official Reece's Rainbow group after I made mine. I would like to still keep mine, however, as a place specifically for teens and young adults to discuss ways to make a difference without spending much money.]

P.S. Never stop remembering and praying for/donating to/whatever you can do to help the little boys, ages 3-5, with Down Syndrome, listed on Reece's Rainbow.

Visions, and a Friend

First of all, I have been "teetering on the edge of visions" (my mother's words) for approximately a week now. Almost every time I pray, I feel that potential. I cannot take myself up on it, however, for we have found that it leads to, or at least correlates with, bipolar episodes.

For the reasons outlined above, I have developed a series of actions to stop visions before they start, or at least abruptly abort them very early on. My visions usually start when I have my eyes closed, so the first thing I always do is open my eyes. If that doesn't do it, I scrunch up my toes in my shoes--because of the RND, that "wakes me up" so to speak. If neither of those works, I simply shake myself like a wet animal trying to dry off.

I have thought of two metaphors to describe my life during "vision possible" phases. One is the match metaphor and one is the hallway metaphor. See below:

The match metaphor: Everybody in the world holds an unlit match. For most people, there is no way to light the match; they simply hold an unlit match. I and others who have similar abilities/opportunities, on the other hand, can see and approach the fire (i.e. the Divine). Once the match is lit, it can burn for a while without hurting my hand. (That would be the visions.) The problem is, I never know how long the matchstick is, so I can never risk lighting it, lest it burn me (cause a bipolar episode).

The hallway metaphor: In front of me when I pray is a hallway, with one door at each end. I have no control over whether and when the door at my end opens. Once it's open, however, I can pretty much choose whether or not to walk down the hallway, and I can pretty much come back at any given time. Similarly, were I to choose to proceed, I would not have control over what I encountered, but I could control my reaction to it.

 Perfect example: Several years ago, before we knew I was bipolar, I was having a vision where I saw endless stripes of color, and I knew that I was surrounded by the energy of the universe. I knew also that I could play with it, so I grabbed it and tied a knot in it; then, realizing that that knot might affect the whole world, I untied it.

 If I got all the way down the hallway, and the other door opened, I would meet God. (No, of course this has never happened and almost certainly never will.) Again, the problem is that I just cannot accurately predict the length of the hallway.

Also, somewhat related: I have a new friend! For the purposes of this blog, I will call her "Anita." "Anita" believes in my visions! She is always willing to listen to me talk about them. I try to listen to her talk about her interests, too. After all, that's what friends are for. I may not have gotten much chance to practice friend interactions growing up, (I posted about that on one of my blogs--not sure which one--once, but quickly deleted the posts.) but I am now making up for lost time and on a steep learning curve. Good for me!

Also, "yelling" today for the Down Syndrome boys, ages 3-5, on Reece's Rainbow. Please do whatever you can to stop them from becoming "lost boys."

Saturday, November 10, 2012


Today I was talking to someone about my new image of God (God is a stream flowing over and around us, and we are the rocks in that stream. God influences and shapes us, but we make the ultimate decisions.), and he said something that truly disturbed me. I don't mind different opinions, but this one was appalling.

I explained to him the same belief that I outlined within the parentheses above. He said that in his opinion that view gave people too much power and that He thought God washed away the rocks when the stakes got too high.

I responded, "What about the Holocaust? Six million Jews died. Were the stakes not high enoguh then?"

His response: "The Jews didn't fight back as hard as they should have. the Germans acted with great deceit, but the Jews also trusted them too much."

I find that answer appalling, simply appalling. I find it dismaying that someone could think that six million lives were taken because people "didn't fight back hard enough" and "trusted their killers too much." Exactly what would he have liked them to do that they didn't do, and when?

I'm not so sure that God can wash away the rocks. I think the God-stream is already flowing before the person-rocks are positioned, but once they are there, the flow must be changed and is changed permanently.

P.S. Tonight, please plant your rocks of prayer or good thoughts for the little girls, ages 0-2, with Down Syndrome listed on the Reece's Rainbow website. May they all find families soon.

Friday, November 9, 2012

A Revised View of God

After doing some more reading, to my mind God is now a force that pervades and surrounds the universe, but not One Who has an active role in killing or letting live.

Perfect example: I was at Chabad House (an international Jewish organization with stations on every college campus) baking challah (Sabbath bread) with the Rebbetzin (Rabbi's wife) and some other girls, and I was telling the Rebbetzin about my new idea of God. She countered it with the story of her father's death: a freak accident in a boat on a stormy lake when he was 42. She said that this proved that God puts everyone in the right place at the right time; we just don't always understand. I suggested that God was the storm that killed her father, but that God God's self did not kill her father. She could not see the difference.

Another example, this one from me: picture a stream flowing along, with rocks and sand and other obstacles in the way. God is the water in the stream, or at the very least God set the stream in motion. The obstacles in the way, however, are not God; they are merely part of the universe.

Oh my goodness. I just thought of something. If God is water running over obstacles then the nature of God can change. If we humans are those "obstacles," then we have the power to change God. Read that again: We have the power to change God!

[Edited to add: After talking to my father (he's a Rabbi), I have a new perspective on our role as obstacles in the stream. We do not change God God's self; we change God's role in the world.]

All that being said, I still plan to write letters to an anthropomorphized God. Writing those letters brings me great fulfillment, and I have to be writing to a "something" or a "someone" in order to be writing at all. Despite my new understanding and enlightenment, I think it is OK to do this as long as I firmly remember that all of this (including this post) is metaphor.

Please don't be offended by this statement, because I feel compelled to write it: God be with you!

P.S. Every day from here on out, I plan to look all the way through one "waiting children" listing on Reece's Rainbow, really try to SEE every child, and then "yell" for them. Today I am "yelling" for Down Syndrome boys, 0-2. Please keep in mind that the "LOST BOYS" locked away in adult mental institutions represent the future of these kids if not adopted.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Reece's Rainbow Listings Are Real People

Today I was scrolling through the "waiting child" listings on Reece's Rainbow, and my heart just broke as I realized fully that these were real children. I mean, of course I had always known that they were or I wouldn't be advocating so violently, but there's knowing factually and then there's knowing emotionally, if you know what I mean.

I'll never forget the picture that did it. I don't remember the little girl's name (it wouldn't have been her real name anyway), but the picture on the right showed a smiling little girl dressed in pink. The picture on the left showed a little person in a boy's shirt staring dully ahead. The usual Reece's Rainbow blurb about the child was written in between, and below it in big red letters was something to the effect of, "HAS PROBABLY ALREADY BEEN TRANSFERRED."

Break. My. Heart. I've seen that little girl before. Somebody else was advocating for her in memory of their own daughter (with whom they were matched via Reece's Rainbow) who died of complications of heart surgery. Anyway, I had scrolled past the picture of the little girl multiple times, one face in a hundred, and then...transfer...oh my.

I started tearing up as I scrolled through more listings, looking at the pictures and really "feeling" the subjects of them, looking at pictures of happy children marked "transferred" and trying to comprehend what they must look like now. I finally got off the site because I realized that although there were things I could do to help (such as writing this blog post), sitting and crying in front of my computer was not one of them.

[Note to self on my hunt for God: explain this!]

The Emotions Behind the Scenes

I went to a friend last night, asked for a hug, and told her what was wrong (that I was upset about the tragic conditions of those mental institutions I mentioned yesterday.) She responded that horrible things, that bad or worse, happen all around the world every day and I couldn't let something like that ruin mine.

I am confused. I know that there are endless tragedies in this world, I am aware of some of which I am aware and some about which I am utterly clueless. But I don't think that changes the fact that I (and all people) should be upset when I encounter one of these phenomena; nor do I believe that I should not let it "ruin my day."

In order for progress to be made in any situation, we must first feel compelled to make change. If this compulsion is  to occur, we must let our hearts be ripped to shreds. The only way, the ONLY way to feel ready and eager to make a difference is to feel the need to repair our broken hearts.

So yes, please let your hearts be broken. No matter what the cause, no matter what else is going on in the world, let your heart break for something; let it "ruin your day" and then figure out how to "repair your day" by making a difference.

Come on, people, please make a difference!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Despair and Tragedy

Despair and tragedy fill my heart and continue to strengthen my questioning of God as I think over what I just read at http://flightplatform.blogspot.co.uk/ about the young men in an Eastern European mental institute. Some of these young men are MY AGE, some even younger. I wonder again what kind of God would allow this, and where God is in their suffering. I think Martin Buber would say that God is in the donations being made to help the living standard in these institutes improve.

Anyway, far more important right now than "Where is God?" is "How can we help?" I am young; I have little spare money; all I can do is publicize and raise awareness. So that is what I am doing. PAY ATTENTION PEOPLE. follow the link in the top paragraph to learn what you can do to help.

Please do something. Even if you cannot donate anything, just blog, post on facebook, pray...find a way to help.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

My Quest

So as I believe I mentioned a couple days ago, I am on a quest to find a God in Whom I can believe without feeling like a hypocrite. To that end, I have started reading theology/philosophy, most of it Jewish, beginning with a book called The Many Faces of God. The book is comprised of excerpts from the works of many theologians and philosophers, mostly Jewish but not all.

I have read through the sections on two writers, Martin Buber and Mordechai Kaplan. Buber states that God can be found in community and in people helping one another; Kaplan's God is the force of good in the world. I find both to be inaccurate depictions.

Just a side note: In a couple of places, Buber almost literally described my visions etc. I thought that was fantastic, cool, and freaky because I have never encountered anyone who understood or had experienced that kind of stuff before. It's not that I ever thought I was the only one who could do this kind of stuff, but reading the writing of someone else who (probably) had had similar things happen to him was amazing.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

On a Journey

Well, folks, here we go again; I am off on a journey to faraway spiritual places to find elusive theological answers...in other words, I am back to praying a lot and reading a lot. I am learning new things and thinking new thoughts at a rapid, carried-away pace, but I prefer to keep my musings private for now. I may write to God again tonight, as I did privately after my last post.

Wherever you are, if you can, sleep well.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

I no longer know You: An Open Letter

Dear God,

Hurricane Sandy has left me questioning and questioning the "why"s and "how"s of Your existence. I do not doubt that You exist but I am in turmoil as I try to make sense of Your nature.

My home town was barely touched by the hurricane. I would say it was a miracle, but I have seen pictures of the damage elsewhere. To call what happened or didn't happen to me a miracle would be to say You ordained it. If You ordained my survival and lack of damage, then You ordained the power loss, the flooding, the deaths of hundreds--and that I am not willing to accept.

Rest assured that I will now be actively seeking for answers. Regardless of how much I am or am not praying ritually, I will continue to compose my own prayers as I read works of Jewish philosophy in search of You. I want a relationship with You, God, just not the one I have now.

Hurricane Sandy has knocked me over theologically, to the point where I can honestly say that I no longer know You. I know You exist, but not Who You are. To a certain extent I will never know Who You are, but right now I know it least of all, and I am sad and mad and bewildered.

I feel betrayed.
I feel hurt.
I feel lost.

Good night, God.

(I'm not signing this one "Love"),
Your Girl.


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About Me

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!