OK, I don't know if I even have words for this, so pardon my clumsy attempts.
This past Shabbat here at school was hosted by the Gay Straight Alliance. Up until last night, I had maintained a fragile self-acceptance by alternately ignoring my homosexuality or my Judaism as I engaged with the other.
Last night it was Shabbat, and I was sitting there being not-straight, and it all blew up in my face. I felt my Judaism slipping through my fingers faster than it has ever slipped away before.
I fought tooth and nail last night and today to get my Judaism back. I continued doing Jewish things; I remembered that we all, myself included, are created in the image of God; and I remembered yesterday's blog post.
I did not commit to be a Jew only when it was easy. I committed to being a Jew, period. I can be lonely and scared and confused with God, or I can be lonely and scared and confused without God. I choose to be with God.
Come what may, whatever happens, I will not lose my Judaism.
"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."
I believe in God.
I believe in God.
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- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!