"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Demons and my Sister

Yesterday I fought a demon. I saw its face Friday night, and it made the demon I fought a couple of years ago positively cute. Demons are not cute, so that should tell you how scary it was.

Then yesterday I was waking up from a nap and sort of saw, but mostly created, a body for the demon. It became a little puny thing: still disgusting, because that's what demons are, but mostly harmless. It or the fear of it (hard to tell) was still bothering me though, so I went and read a book. In distracting myself, I got rid of my fear, and the demon left as well!

I can think of three things I might have done to call this demon to me. First of all, there was the not-quite-vision when I played with something I couldn't see. I am done playing with things I can't see. Secondly, as soon as this whole world started up again, I became afraid of demons again. Since I do not always fear demons when experiencing the Other World, I have a feeling I was reacting to something real, that a channel to demons really was open. That being said, I think the fear probably served as an invitation. If one wants to avoid demons, one must not be scared.

Lastly, and this was stupid of me, I referred to the demon I fought two years ago by name. A name, I have learned, is a powerful thing. If you have a demon's name, you have a major weapon against it. Calling it by its name is the best way to convince it that you are not afraid, at which point it will leave. Use a demon's name when it is not around, however, and you have just woken up the demons.

On a totally different topic...

Last night I was lying in bed and I wanted to talk to God: really talk to God, not just say my usual bedtime prayers. Of course I carefully considered which name to use, and settled on "Ein Sof, my Sister." Almost immediately, I saw colors confirming that I had chosen the right name, then more colors on my other side, and then I was being held and rocked to sleep by God.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!