Life with a chronic condition...

...just plain sucks sometimes.  I was doing some "bipolar disorder maintenance" as I call it earlier tonight--that is, organizing Disability Services paperwork and copying over my medication list that I always carry because the old one is wearing out--and I came away with the feeling that life with bipolar disorder just plain sucks.  It's not true, of course; in many ways my life is beautiful.  What is true, however, is that being bipolar sucks.  There is no way around it.  And that, folks, well that is just sad.

Tonight I am sad.

Tu B'Shevat

Today is the festival of Tu b'Shevat, or the fifteenth day of the month of Shevat.  It is the New Year for the trees, the beginning of the cycle for agricultural laws in the Land of Israel.  I am planning to celebrate by having a "fruit fest" with a friend.  That is to say, I bought four unusual fruits (star fruit, persimmon, passion fruit, and pepino melon) and we are going to say two blessings (one for the fruit itself, the other for trying something new) and then enjoy them together.  I am excited.

After a long interlude...

...I am back! Sorry about the silence.  I stole this from someone else's blog; I needed the prompt today.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY

Outside my window...The house next door

I am thinking...About the little "fruit fest" I am throwing later today to celebrate the holiday of Tu B'Shevat

I am thankful...for my Judaism

In the kitchen...packets of tuna, cans of chickpeas, and four different unusual fruits for my "fruit fest"!

I am wearing...Jeans, gray socks, a pale pink long-sleeved shit with a red college football T-shirt over it, arba kanfot, and a pink suede kippah from my Bat Mitzvah

I am creating...This blog entry

I am going...Back to school on the twentieth! (Actually, I'm already back in my apartment, but classes don't start till then.)

I am wondering...Whether or not my invited friend will show up to celebrate Tu b'Shevat with me.  (Really, I know she will because she didn't cancel, but I've been trying to call her to confirm because I'm like that and she hasn't picked up her phone, so now I'm nervous.)

I am reading...Doing Jewish Theology by Neil Gillman

I am hoping...That my friend shows up!

I am looking forward to...My Tu b'Shevat "fruit fest"!

I am learning...how to be a better friend

Around the house...silence; my roommates are not back yet.

I am pondering...The new semester and all it will bring

A favorite quote for today..."Out beyond right and wrong, there is a field; I'll meet you there."

One of my favorite things...It's not really a "thing", but I would have to say my Judaism! I love being Jewish!

A few plans for the rest of the week: Buying a couple more textbooks, finding my classroom buildings, sleeping in on a quiet Sabbath alone. 

He Said YES!

No, this is not a romantic post.  This is a post to tell you  that I heard back from the Rabbi in Uganda, and he said YES!  I get to go study at his Yeshiva (Rabbinical school) post college.  There are many details left to be worked out, but for now, what is important is that he said YES!

Less Than a Month...

Less than a month until Tu b'Shevat (New Year for the trees), and I am trying to plan a celebration.  At the bare minimum, I will be buying two "new" fruits (that is, fruits that I have not eaten in the past thirty days) and eating them, with both the blessing over fruit and the blessing over something new.  I'd like to plan out a whole Tu b'Shevat seder, and if enough people around me are interested, I might, but that takes real planning and I have too much other stuff to do this break.  So...new fruits it is!

Where is God?

So recently the roof of the building containing my family's synagogue--if we had one, that is; it's more complicated than I'd like to get into on a public blog--and the community day school, collapsed due to snowfall.

Read that again.  The roof of a building containing two necessary Jewish institutions collapsed due to snowfall.

My initial, gut reaction was glee.  That school did me a world of hurt; to know that it is disabled--if only for a time--felt good.

But then I thought again.

Where is God?

Where is God when a community loses one of its synagogues and its only day school? Because my hometown is very small, and we don't have multiple day schools.  That one was the only one.  And it may have been bad, but we had it.

And now we don't have a Conservative synagogue either.  And that is a problem too.  Because all Jews should have a place to worship, a place where they feel comfortable, and now something like a third of the community is out of luck.  Oh, there will be services at the local JCC and all, but it's not the same when you're not in your home.  People start to feel at home in their synagogues.

So this is all sad.  Just sad.  And hey, God, if You're reading this--where are You?

Lesbianism (There, right in the title!)

In response to a conversation I had earlier with a friend (Yes, you, you are still my friend for sure! My feelings may be hurt to the point where I need to express them but YOU ARE STILL MY FRIEND!) I feel compelled to blog the following.

Lesbianism is NOT:

Lesbianism is NOT a sin, at least not in my book.

It is NOT a phase.

It does NOT diminish my value in society.

It canNOT be "fixed."

It does NOT make me who I am.


Lesbianism IS:

Lesbianism IS beautiful.

It IS natural.

It IS a PART of who I am.

And oh by the way? God DOES love me, and I love myself.  So there.