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"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

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Thursday, May 20, 2010

Painful First Time Lesson

As you may or may not know, I am a reader of several blogs by families who have adopted children. I came across one a few weeks ago (allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com) in which the family's little grl was in the hospital following serious, complicated heart surgery. I immediately added her to my prayer list, and I prayed with devotion for her recovery.

That little girl's name was Chrissie, and she died yesterday.

Although I barely deserve to have any grief having only read about her, I am...cracked. Grown up. Older.

This is the first serious prayer of mine that did not come true, not even a little bit.

I prayed for no chronic pain and I am mobile now.

I prayed for help with bipolar disorder and I am mostly stable now.

I prayed and am praying for Abby Riggs (riggsfamilyblog.com) and she is getting better.

I prayed and am praying for Grady and as far as I know he's doing OK.

I prayed for Chrissie and she died.

Why, God? Why?

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!