Determination

Ah, childhood. Nostalgia goes along with it, no? Well, no. At least not for me.

I grew up in a school where, for whatever reason, I was picked on mercilessly. The more they picked on me, the more I cried; the more I cried, the more they picked on me. Naturally, I blamed myself.

In high school, I sought therapy, which helped some, but I was also getting accustomed to my RND and bipolar disorder, so the focus of my therapy sessions was not usually on my childhood. When I started collegel last fall, I wanted to believe that all I needed was time, space, and friendships in order to heal. I was wrong.

So here I am, six years out of that awful school, and beginning therapy again. And oh, is it painful.

Starting therapy again has undone me. I am turning back into a traumatized child. Each day is a balance of feeling my feelings, comforting myself, and distracting myself from my feelings. Each day is one day closer to my next therapy appointment.

As I mentioned in my post "Currently..." I am damaged, but not conquered. I can rise again. I will rise again.

Watch out, world.