I am facing real hostility from what I have always considered "my Jewish community" at my college, I think over my decision to become a Rabbi. Yesterday I was walking down the street and I passed a Jewish guy I sort of know, so I smiled and greeted him. To his credit, he did say the word "hello" back to me, but it was in this very "you are beneath my notice" kind of fashion. I was left mentally spinning, thinking: Is he one of the ones shunning me due to the major bipolar episode? (Yes there are some.) Is he one of the ones shunning me over my decision to become a Rabbi? (Yes there are a whole lot more.) Have I committed some heinous third offense of which I cannot think off the top of my head? As you can imagine, the whole incident was very upsetting.
I also got real flak from one of my roommates about my dream job. (She brought it up.) She literally said, and this is a direct quote, "You wanna go be a speechmaker be a speechmaker; I mean, that's what it sounds like." I have never expressed a desire to make speeches, and certainly not to her! I'm not even particularly good at making speeches. I know I'll have to as part of my job, and so I'll learn, but by no means is it the part of being a Rabbi to which I am most looking forward.
Also I know, I can just tell, that people are talking about me behind my back. Every Tuesday night, the Chabad House at my college serves food and people show up to eat it. It used to be the case that I would go and be really popular and have three groups of friends to greet. Now I go and, most weeks, no one sits with me. Granted last night one of my roommates did, but I'm not quite sure what to make of that; I really think she was just being nice because she was my roommate.
So I guess what I'll have to do is find myself a new community. Jewish, non-Jewish, I will build them--slowly. But I will only let in people who are good to me.
"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."
I believe in God.
I believe in God.
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- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!