Rosh Hodesh Tammuz

Today is Rosh Hodesh Tammuz, the beginning of the Hebrew month of Tammuz.  That means that the seventeenth of Tammuz, a day of fasting in commemoration of the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem en route to the destruction of the Second Temple, is coming up in just over two weeks.  I can't wait.  (sarcasm)  No one likes to fast, but I think it is important to remember collective tragedies by doing something; in Judaism that something is fasting.

On another topic, while I was praying today the most extraordinary thing happened! I was muttering the words of the Amidah, or Standing Prayer, central to the musaf ("additional") service for Rosh Hodesh, when all of a sudden I felt the most amazing kavana.  Kavana is a word that's very hard to translate, but I think the two best attempts I've seen are "intention" and "concentration."  It's something like a mix of those two.  Anyway, I suddenly felt connected to all Jews before and after me, "back and back and back" as Jonas and the Giver say in Lois Lowry's The Giver, but forwards too.

Historically and traditionally, Rosh Hodesh is considered a women's holiday.  I don't really know the details, and I'm a little fuzzy on how it got to be that way, but I think that's very cool.

I close with some very important prayers.

 First I plead with God to bring back the kidnapped Israeli boys, using their Hebrew names, in no particular order:

Dearest God in Heaven Above and Earth Below, please move Heaven and Earth--whatever it takes--to return Gilad Michael ben Bat Galim (Gilad), Yaakov Naftali ben Rachel Devorah (Naftali), and Eyal ben Iris Teshurah (Eyal) to their proper homes and families, whole and healthy and strong, ASAP.  You can do this, God; yes, I am begging for a miracle.

Second, I beg You, God, to find a home for "Jacob."  Little "Jacob" just turned four; it's not too late but it soon will be.  Come on, God, please find "Jacob's" parents!

And, of course...a picture of "Jacob":

My Prayer Book (Siddur)

This morning I got up super early (5:00-ish am) to pray outside in the early morning.  I commemorated the occasion with these pictures of my prayer book, or siddur, which I thought you might like to see.  The siddur I used this morning is the one I received at my "siddur party" in first grade...yes, it's survived all these years!

In this picture, my siddur is on my lap, open to the Aleinu prayer.  In this prayer, we praise God as Master of the Universe and all creatures.  This prayer was composed in the Second Temple period.  The Aleinu prayer concludes every service, and it is present in our Rosh HaShanah (New Year) liturgy as well.  I chose this prayer as the place to which to open the siddur for this picture purely because I had finished there.

And here is a picture of my siddur, closed, on my lap.  I designed and made the cover in tenth grade.

 

And, unsurprisingly, I am ending with a picture of "Jacob," my precious little one! Here he is:

A Public Plea

Dear Universe,

This is a public plea to God and man for the safe and prompt return of the three captured Israeli boys: Yaakov Naftali ben Rachel Devorah (Naftali), Eyal ben Iris Teshurah (Eyal), and Gilad Michael ben Bat Galim (Michael).  They are presumed kidnapped by Hamas, and it is assumed that their captors will attempt to smuggle them into Gaza soon.  Oh Lord God, do everything in Your power to bring them home before that happens; oh those who read this, pray, do good deeds in their names, do SOMETHING!

This is my plea, the plea of Sarah Tovah [last name censored], a fortunate, privileged, American young woman who cannot begin to imagine what these teens are facing.  Please God, hear my cry.

Hear my cry.

Love,
Your Girl

"Making Lemonade"

So I got unfairly evicted from my summer program of Jewish learning, much to my sorrow.  I decided, however, to have a summer of Jewish learning anyway, even if I'm on my own.  So, every day:

1. I pray three times.
2. I study Talmud (Jewish legal codes) with my brother for about an hour in the morning.  We are pretty much on an equal--very beginner--study level, and we learn off each other.  It's fun! Today we only managed to cover three lines in that hour, but it's fun.
3. I do some other kind of Jewish reading for an hour in the afternoon.  Right now I am reading Sacred Fragments by Neil Gillman; when I finish that I plan to start reading the whole Hebrew Bible, cover to cover, hopefully mostly in Hebrew.

Dammit, summer program people, I will learn and grow Jewishly this summer, and "make lemonade" out of your "lemons"!

And a quick prayer for my "Jacob," publicly:

Dear God, please find my "Jacob" a home.  I worry about him, God; he's so small and puny-looking.  He needs a Mommy and Daddy, God, and brothers and sisters to love! Keep him warm and safe and well-fed until his family comes.  Please, God.  Please, God! Please, God!!! Love, Your Girl

And, not surprisingly, here is "Jacob's" picture, again:

My "Jacob" Turns Four

My "Jacob" turns four this month, according to Reece's Rainbow.  I don't know the exact day, but I do know it's this month.  Poor little "Jacob's" photos have not been updated for like a year and half.  I started praying for "Jacob" shortly before his thrid birthday; now he is turning four and the pictures are the same.

I know that "Jacob's" profile does not sound attractive.  I get that.  But won't someone love him, please?

Regardless of what this year brings, Happy Birthday Sweet Boy! I love you, "Jacob"!

More Poetry

I went through a ton of horrific bullying growing up, and it's really left its mark on me.  The following two poems, however, are about how well I'm doing now.  That said, their titles refer back to childhood.

Take That

To win an award
Is to step to the front,
All looking at you--
Don't mess up your dress!

To win an award
Is to pause for a picture,
All of the eyes
Reflected in yours.

To win an award
Is to glimpse the potential
Of journeys unfolding
And dreams yet unlived.

To win...
To win an award.



Take That Part II

"Save a life, and you have saved the world."
But what is in that world?
In that world is a FRIEND.

Someone to laugh with,
Someone to love with;
Someone to cry with,
Someone to hate with.

And someone
Who fiercely
Loves you back.

"Save a life, and you have saved the world."
A world full of friendship,
Second chances,
And love.

Yom HaShoah 2014

Tomorrow is Yom HaShoah, Holocaust Remembrance Day.  This year the Holocaust is hitting home for me in a way that it never has before.  Oh, in the past I would cover my ears and run away screaming when people went into detail, while now I can sit through whole classes on the topic.  That's not what I mean.  I mean that I am better able to picture myself going through it.

I can see myself being forced into a ghetto, then a concentration camp, leaving the people and things that I loved behind.  I understand more now the tragedy of the death of a 21-year-old, let alone five-year-olds, whose lives were cut short with so much potential.  These thoughts and images do not scare me, for I know I am using my imagination to help me remember something I never experienced, but I have never felt this...heavy before.

In many places, there is a practice to have a 24-hour name-reading vigil on Yom HaShoah, at which names of victims are read aloud from death lists.  I only know one name, but I will write it here several times.  Please say it aloud when you see it:

Ruth Dafner.
Ruth Dafner.
Ruth Dafner.