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"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Background

This blog was created to chronicle my journey of spiritual growth. Really, I created this blog to solve one of my most major blogging dilemmas: to blog about religion or not? On the one hand, religion is possibly the hugest part of my life, my top priority, now and always. On the other hand, I often feel very awkward reading other people's blog entries about religion, especially where their views differ from mine.

It got to the point where I felt hypocritical if I blogged about it and nearly as hypocritical when I didn't, so I created this blog. This is entirely about my spiritual journey. The title is taken from one of my favorite quotes from Psalms: "He will instruct his angels to guard you in all your paths, to carry you in their hands lest you stumble on a stone."

This blog wil lmake liberal use of Hebrew--and the occasional Yiddish--words. It's just too complicated to translate them all into English. If you have questions, ask.

So who am I spiritually? I am a Conservative Jew, born and raised. I keep kosher, meaning I don't mix meat and milk, and only eat kosher meat, but I eat vegetarian in non-kosher restaurants and homes. I keep Shabbat by abstaining from all 39 categories of work to a point, but I still do things like climb trees, pick up stones, and rollerblade (within an eiruv, of course) on Saturdays. I wear a kippah and arba kanfot at all times, and tallis and tefillin when I daven Shacharit. 98-ish percent of the time, I manage to pray from the siddur once; 94-ish percent of the time, I daven Shacharit and Maariv. Throughout the day, when the mood strikes me, I raise my eyes and call to God: everything from "I don't want to die of Lou Gehrig's disease" to "Come on, God, I need to shave a minute off my mile time."

I work hard to see evidence of God's hand in my life each day, and to really feel God's presence when I pray. God is always just as close; we only need to tune in. Some days it works, and I walk with God from the moment I wake up until my eyes close in sleep; other days, I daven mechanically and then forget about God. I'm working on it.

Current Spiritual Goals:

1. Stop swearing; honor God through my speech as well as my actions.
2. Stop picking the skin off my fingers (a habit I've had for ten years); I have no right to defile the body loaned to me as a Heavenly gift.
3. Genuinely treat others the way I want to be treated, all others, all the time; honor God by honoring His creations.
4. Daven twice a day, every day, with genuine kavanah; find time to daven a third time as well.
5. Fast on all fast days, not just Yom Kippur.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!