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Monday, May 25, 2009

Language Issues, Living in the "Supernatural", Daily Miracles, and God's Pull on my Life

Fair warning: This is going to be a very long post. But posting multiple times in one day annoys me endlessly, so one post it is.

Language Issues.

I have read many blogs by religiously committed people (so far only Christians, but I'd love to diversify my blog list) who have stopped swearing because they do not feel that a person of God should talk this way. I have felt that way too, in the past, and yet I always felt awkward around my peers if I were the only one not swearing.

Let us be perfectly clear what I mean by swearing: I do not invoke God's name with my swear words. Like everyone else, I slip up with the occasional "Goddamn it" but I hate, hate, hate when I do that (even writing it gives me the chills) and I never do that as a joke. I have found, however, that the occasional or not so occasional f-word, Hell, or b*itch is necessary to be part of a group at this age: not swearing would isolate me from my peer community. Isolation from one's community is incredibly frowned upon in Judaism. So I actually believe that swearing when in a group of my peers is more in line with my Jewish values than not swearing would be.

On a similar note, I have found that I use words amd phrases like "blessed" "God's purpose" "led by God" more around Christians than around Jews. This is not because these concepts are not found in Judaism and mainstream Jewish belief; rather, the very sad fact is that most mainstream Jews are not aware of this aspect of mainstream Jewish belief. I have no problem finding Christians who believe they are on Earth as an extension of God's plan for creation; finding Jews who believe this, never mind are willing to devote their life to it, is much much rarer than I'd like.

Living in the "Supernatural"

I feel that I must write down some of the experiences I have had in this world. They are simply too awesome, too spiritual, too pivotal not to record in this blog about my spiritual life. So, here goes.

I have found demons and I have fought demons. I have been warned by God of impending doom on campus, correctly identified the target, and watched her fight a demon without realizing what she was doing. I have seen certain people sparkle--almost literally sparkle in retrospect--with special ability to see and feel God's presence, and other things, as I do. I have watched my soul rise up and join with God, and I have seen God fill my room. I have sat with God and talked with God--not to, with--and been rocked to sleep by God's shelter. I have watched--actually watched--the prayers of an entire room be carried up to heaven on the merit of one person. Every time I pray, if I am tuned in as I should be, I can at the extreme least feel God listening and responding, even if I cannot interpret the response.

Now, I do not believe God literally looks like any of the things I saw, or literally said any of the things I "heard". I believe simply--yet the statement is so complex--this: God's presence is real. I tap in to the current and God's presence fills my life. The visions, words, etc. are the human interpretation of that very real presence.

Much of what I've done is not at all supernatural, yet so important to being God's hands in the world. I have held hands and rubbed shoulders and cradled heads as people cried. I have assisted in the study of Torah and helped people learn new prayers. I have retaught difficult homework concepts to make people's workload that much easier, I have gone out of my way to make new students feel welcome, and I have given and received countless needed hugs. All such simple, little gestures; yet so important to uniting the world, bringing peace, and helping with God's purpose whatever that may be.

Daily Miracles

Last night, I was standing in awe staring at the beautiful sky God has created. As I stood wondering and awe-ing, a student passed by who, I happen to know, is very Jewishly committed himself. I asked him, "Don't you feel lucky to live in the worl dof a Go dwho created a sky like that? Isn't the sky just amazing?"

His reply: "I don't know if it's amazing; I mean, it's here everyday."

"But don't you think--isn't it such a miracle?"

"For me a miracle has to be something out of the ordinary."

Now, don't get me wrong--to me a miracle has to be something out of the ordinary too. But is the sky any more ordinary simply because it happens every day? I have never seen the sky look exactly the same two days in a row.b God created the sky (directly or indirectly); we all agree that was a miracle. Why is it any less a miracle because it happens every day?

Exodus 14:21 describes God splitting the Red Sea for Israel as "a strong east wind all that night". A few years ago I was discussing this with my father, complaining that this sounded much less like a miracle than the sea splitting down the middle and forming walls. His reply? "A miracle is a natural event happening at exactly the right time."

So, then, by that definition, the sky is a miracle: every day, all the time.

God's Pull on my Life

Let me start by saying that I do not believe God will make every little decision for me. I just don't think God cares particularly what I eat for breakfast or whether or not I follow school dress code, unless that seemingly small decision will end with me meeting the necessary people or being in the necessary place for bigger things, which it usually won't because nobody will notice one way or the other.

There is no denying, however, that when I am tapped in to the God-current I can feel its waters pulling me in their direction and taking me where I need to go to be God's hands in the world. In sixth grade, I found out about my current school. Near the end of eighth grade, when it was settled that I would go and I was beginning to think about packing etc., the current found me, grabbed me, and told me unequivocally that I was going in the right direction. I have never felt anything other than led by God in my decision to come to the Academy, and after the first unsettled trimester last year, I have never regretted it for a second. Since realizing that I can control my "tapped-in-ness" to the God-current, I (usually) work hard to maintain that connection. When I am properly tapped-in, I feel God everywhere, see His miracles every hour, and feel utter peace with myself and my circumstances in life. We were all created for a purpose; I know for sure that I am where I need to be to fulfill my purpose in the world.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!