Remember that boy in my high school graduating class? The one who was diagnosed with leukemia?
He died last night.
I cannot believe it. On an irrational level, I kind of want to see the body just for proof.
The traditional Jewish thing to say when somebody dies is "Baruch dayan ha'emet." Referring to God, it means "Blessed is the True Judge."
So baruch dayan ha'emet, God, and I hope it makes you happy. You are no True Judge in my mind.
In Judaism we wrestle with God. According to a book by Neil Gillman (The Way Into Encountering God in Judaism), God welcomed Abraham's challenge when God proposed His plan to wipe out Sodom and Gomorrah, and God welcomes our challenges today. What we are not permitted to do is disengage.
So I will continue my daily prayers, completion of mitzvot, and everything else. But never will I understand the death of an innocent 19 (I think) year old.
Baruch dayan ha'emet. It may not be true, but what else can I say?
"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."
I believe in God.
I believe in God.
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- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!