"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Good News and Bad News

--The Good News: I have reached a milestone.  Last night, I finally used up the last sheet of the five-color cardstock I got for my letters to God.  The beautiful stationery I ordered in February is unwrapped and in the back pocket of my "prayer portfolio", ready for use.  I intend to start using it today.  At my current letter rate (one per day), this stationery should last me just a little under three months, which puts me picking out and ordering whatever I get next in early August.  I think I will be very satisfied using this stationery for that long; it's absolutely gorgeous.  So that you all don't have to scroll back through the blog to find the entry with the picture, I will describe the paper for you.  It is pinkish-purple in color with a beautiful flower (an Easter lily, to be specific, which I only found out was a Christian symbol after I ordered the stationery...and I'm not about to waste 80 sheets of paper just for that.  I will absolutely use it anyway.)  in the upper left-hand corner.  The flower looks handpainted; I know it isn't, but I adore the look.  For an affordable price, I have something special for my letters to God...it should last me a long time, too, which is nice.

--The Bad News: The very first Reece's Rainbow "Aging-Out" child whose picture I ever posted here in an effort to find her a home...has aged out.  So have several others I posted here, actually, and I feel a twinge of pain in my heart for each one because s/he becomes special to me when I post his/her picture, but this girl is even more special than that because she was the first.  Her name on Reece's Rainbow (not her real name) was "Veronica," and I think I chose her because she has brown hair and brown eyes, just like me.  Her only special need was "mild cerebral palsy," so mild that in the pictures she was standing up unsupported, and she was described as able to walk.  She could have made such a wonderful daughter to someone if they would just overlook her age (yes, I understand it can be scary to adopt a fifteen-year-old, but still, someone has to do it)...and now she's gone, probably to a mental institution.  I've talked about Eastern European mental institutions here before, and this post is not the place to do so again for various reasons (among other reasons, I literally get sick to my stomach and have trouble breathing just thinking about those places, let alone writing about them, and there are limits to my bravery), but suffice to say they are NOT good places, and it  literally hurts me to think of "Veronica" there.

--What's coming up in the next few days? Today and tomorrow are Rosh Hodesh, the start of a new Hebrew month, specifically the month of Iyyar.  We celebrate by adding extra prayers tacked on to our morning prayers: a series of psalms and praises known as "Hallel" and an additional central standing prayer known as "Musaf."  I also celebrate by wearing a ladies' tallit katan, jewelry, and, if  possible, my special kippah clips.  (It's not always possible; for instance, right now I am wearing the kippah Sami recently made me, and it is too thick for those clips...they simply will not open far enough.)  I also have to check with my father; I'm not sure one is allowed to do laundry on Rosh Hodesh.  I usually do my two loads of laundry Monday and Tuesday...this week they might get bumped to Tuesday and Wednesday, or even Tuesday and Thursday.

--Wednesday night through Thursday is Israel's Memorial Day, Yom HaZikaron.  Israelis take their Memorial Day much more seriously than we take ours; Yom HaZikaron services usually leave me with tears streaming down my face.  For that reason, I don't plan to go this year; I just don't want to embarrass myself.  I will, however, wear the black kippah I save for such occasions.

--Thursday night through Friday is Yom HaAtzMa'ut, Israel's Independence Day, and the mood instantly changes to one of joy and dancing.  On Yom HaAtzMa'ut, we wear blue and white clothing to match Israel's flag; I don't want to get all-out dressed up, so I will probably wear a denim skirt or my royal blue stretchy skirt, with my blue-and-white Sabbath blouse.  Once again, I will wear a ladies' tallit katan, jewelry, and my special bobby pins to pin my kippah in place.  Attitudes over prayer on Yom HaAtzMa'ut divide.  Orthodox Jews do not add anything extra; Conservative Jews (including me) see the existence of the State of Israel as evidence of God's miracles in modern times, and add Hallel just as it is added on Biblical holidays.

--So there you have it! A very long post with good news, bad news, and an overview of a very eventful Jewish week.  I will probably post on Yom HaZikaron, and almost definitely on Yom HaAtzMa'ut.  Enjoy!

--Now, a Reece's Rainbow Aging-Out child.  Even as some I have posted age out, I can never stop this project, because once in a while, a child I post finds a home, and I can never be absolutely sure that they would have if I hadn't posted.  Today's child is "BRANDON," diagnosed with DOWN SYNDROME, and aging out THIS JULY.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!