"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Friday, August 12, 2011

So Tired...

I am so tired, and my heart is heavy. During physical therapy today, I literally felt as though I was being consumed by fire. I actually winced and whimpered more than once, and let the therapist know, unprompted, that I was not OK.

I have decided to stop being "brave" and answering "yes," and just tell them the truth when I am not feeling OK. This was a hard decision to make because I want them to think of me as brave and strong, but I know they already do because I never quit in the middle of my exercise routine. Therefore, with that to prove my bravery and strength, I can go ahead and tell the truth about how much I hurt. Am I making sense? I certainly hope so.

I don't like to ask people to pray for me but I am asking now. A particular Jewish (but anyone else could do it too) practice I like is reciting psalms in someone's merit, with that person in mind. I like psalm 20 (I recite it for the boy from my high school graduating class who has leukemia) and psalm 23 (I recite it for myself) best.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!