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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Progress

DISCLAIMER: I always struggle with whether or not to post things this raw and honest. I have decided to post this because it was life-altering, and a blog is the place to post such things. If you are easily judgmental and/or don't believe in therapy, please leave NOW.

Yesterday I made real progress in therapy. In fact, I think that that may have been the most productive single therapy session I've ever had. It was hard, but very, very good.

First we determined that I lean on other people so much--and yes, sometimes too much--because I do not really trust myself to be there for myself. We're not quite sure why that is yet, but we think it might stem from things that happened to me during childhood. My therapist said, however, that the best way to fix this situation is to focus on who I am now, not who I was then.

Talking farther, we discovered that I also expect all relationships--platonic and romantic--to end someday. That one is easier to explain: my two very much closest friendships both ended messily. Everybody loses a couple of friends over the years, but losing one or two out of five or ten is much less damaging than losing one's only two.

Somewhere along the way during the session, I broke down crying without knowing why. We made real progress, but it was very tough.


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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!