I have been trying to find the right words for this post for a long time. My current bipolar episode has been going on for weeks now, and that is a long time--a nice opportunity to come up with the "perfect" post.
I am beginning to feel trapped, yes, even imprisoned. The bipolar symptoms are making me act in weird ways, when the "real" me knows that I'm being ridiculous and strange. I cry easily, I laugh easily, I get scared easily: too easily. It's hard to live this way.
Honestly, I would say that my biggest challenge right now is living with my roommates: figuring out how much to tell them without scaring them, how much to ask of them (I actually talk about it less with them than I do with other friends because my roommates are living it with me, so there's nothing to talk about), etc. I try to be a contributing member of the household; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Yesterday, for example, our landlord texted me saying he was coming by in less than an hour to do housing inspections. "Julie" and I were the only two home, so I woke her up and we started cleaning like crazy. I tried to help, but needed her to tell me what to do because I could not think straight.
I WANT TO BE ABLE TO THINK STRAIGHT.
"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."
I believe in God.
I believe in God.
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- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!