"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

When It's Difficult to Be Me

I am exhausted.  It's been a difficult day: three times manic and three times depressed.  Yes, I honestly do cycle that rapidly.

I am embarrassed.  I have had to go to a professor (summer course) and tell her I can't.  That no, I'm sorry, but I can't turn it in on time.  In that respect I am fortunate: I have the paperwork to back me up.  But I know how sharp and efficient my brain is when it works--so it's frustrating when it doesn't.

And speaking of things not working, for reasons unrelated to bipolar disorder I threw up all over my carpet (right next to my mattress) last night--and I was too bipolar to go out and buy carpet cleaner today.  So tonight I get to sleep next to vomit.  Oh, joy.

This is one of those times when it's difficult to be me.  And I feel so ashamed of being self-centered and needing so much the support of family and friends--but I do need them, because this is just hard.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!