"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Tisha B'Av 2014

So now it is officially Tisha b'Av.  One law that I forgot to mention is that the tallit and tefillin, normally worn at morning prayers, are not donned until the afternoon.  I prayed without them this morning, and honestly, it felt just as if my ties to God had been severed, and I understood on a gut, emotional level the loss that the Jewish people had suffered with the destruction of the Temples.  In other words, for the first time ever, I finally got it.  I got it.

Also, on Tisha b'Av the scroll of Lamentations is read in the synagogue.  Because of my delicate mental health, I couldn't stay for the whole service last night (had to get home and to bed), but I read myself the first three chapters in English while members of the congregation chanted about a chapter and a half in Hebrew.  I finished up the English sitting on my floor (as is customary for the Lamentations reading) in my nightgown first thing this morning.

I am not wearing my arba kanfot right now because I figured that if a tallit (whose whole point is the tzitziot, or holy fringes) was not to be worn, I also should not wear my arba kanfot (whose whole point is also tzitziot).  I am fully dressed--t-shirt, skirt (a NEW skirt), etc. right down to a kippah/yarmulke (black velvet today, from my younger brother's Bar Mitzvah), though of course no jewelry--but I feel naked.  Arba kanfot are such an integral part of my wardrobe that it really does feel as though I am skirtless, or not wearing underwear, or something of that nature.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!