"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Back in Touch and It Feels So Good (!)

As of yesterday, and carrying into today, I am back in touch with both my religious and my spiritual dimensions.

I do consider them different, and maybe that takes some explaining.  I follow Jewish law because I am religious.  I keep kosher (never gave that one up), observe Sabbath commandments (never gave those up), attempt to pray three times a day (I had given that one up; at the moment, I am managing twice, with the one I miss being morning because with the clocks turned back I wake up too late) and try to remember ritual hand washing upon waking (not managing to actually carry that out yet) because I am religious.  The "extras"--conversations with God, letters to God, this blog about my Judaism, making tallitot k'tanot in fun prints, matching my kippot to my outfits--are all voluntary; I do them because I enjoy them, because I am spiritual.

Whew! The above paragraph gave more information than I intended to give all in one paragraph.  I intended to just explain the difference I see between religion and spirituality, but in doing so, I also painted a comprehensive picture of my religious and spiritual life.  Now you know.

I went to my bisexual discussion-and-dinner group last night, and had very interesting experiences in terms of other Jews.  The less religious ones who were threatened by my presence last time apparently no longer feel threatened (yes, I can tell; I have a talent for reading emotional vibes); I suppose my being there without telling them what to do last time helped.  Also, an actual Orthodox man came! We are talking black velvet kippah, tzitziot hanging loose, and beard.  I will call him Abram for purposes of this blog.  Last but most exciting: there was another young, Jewish, single woman who had recently moved to the city there! Do I know that we will end up together? NO.  Is it my absolute best prospect since moving to the city? YES.

For those who wonder, I am in touch with God about my sexuality, very deliberately.  It took a long time to get there, but that is part of how I nurture my spiritual side.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!