"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Milestone Day

Today is a milestone day: it is the day I order another round of stationery for my letters to God. I always think of this day as a milestone because it shows how often and intensely God and I converse. Amazon by far has the best deals--today, for example, I am getting a 100-sheet pack for 13 dollars plus shipping, probably around 20 dollars total, which is five sheets per dollar--and having discovered that, I now only  order  there.  If I am really careful about only using the paper for letters to God, which to be fair I didn't manage on the last set, this package should last me 50 days, which works out to about a month a three quarters assuming I write two letters a day every day (which I also don't always do)...which  puts me ordering  more  right around New Year's.

I wrote a long (seven paragraphs, two page sides, yes, with RSD hand cramps!) letter  to God about half an hour ago about our paper.  (I firmly believe God will listen to anything.)  It worked out to be less private than some of our other letters, so I can share contents here and that will  also give a window into my correspondence with the Holy One, Praised be She.  (And no, the S in She is not a typo. I did that quite deliberately.)

First of all, for a long time I was upgrading to something prettier each time I got paper for this purpose.  The first package I ever bought was five-color--pink, dark pink, lime green, dark green, vanilla--card stock; I enjoyed having different colors to choose from, and it was most definitely an upgrade from the "just-whatever's-around-but-usually-loose-leaf-or-printer-paper" I had been using before.  When that ran low, I bought my first ever package of real stationery for any purpose: the paper that's running low now, pinkish purple with a big Easter lily in the corner (though the name should have given it away, I didn't realize that was a Christian symbol until after I had ordered...and I wasn't about to  waste 80 or 100  sheets.)  This time around, I selected paper that is white for most of the writing space, with a pinkish purple border and darker pinkish purple orchids in  the upper right and lower left corners.  Today I am contenting myself with describing it; I will photograph it, and share those pictures, when it arrives.

As I wrote to God today and mulled over my words, I realized why I keep getting increasingly feminine paper.  It is not, as I thought, because I am so feminine myself, or at least not only that. Rather, at least when I can handle the unconventional and unpredictable in my spiritual life, it is because I think of God as delicate and feminine...and I like to honor Her holy identity.  To me, that's how it all makes sense.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!