"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Monday, August 20, 2012

To be totally honest....

...my religious life kind of goes to pieces when I'm home on vacation etc. The little habits such as food blessings stick, but the bigger things, such as praying every day, fall by the wayside. Usually I faithfully keep my routine for about five days at the most, and then...not so much.

I am sorry to say that I did not ritually pray even once most days these past two weeks. I am sorry to say that I forgot "Erin," "Emily," and others who might need me. I am sorry, but I did forget.

Why? Because I was enjoying the lack of routine, structure, and restriction. I was enjoying the freedom to do what I felt like doing, when I felt like doing it; and, as I have mentioned on this blog before, I do not always feel like praying when it is time.

Now that I am back "home" (I suppose my parents' house is no longer home now that I have my "own" apartment), I am back in the routine. Bam--I have slammed myself back into it.

I would like to say that I will do better next time I'm home, but in reality, I know I probably won't. I will always crave that lack of ruling routine that led me to stop praying this time. I will most likely follow the same route again.

Oh by the way? We are now in the Hebrew month of Elul, the month leading up to the High Holidays, the season when I allow myself to listen to recordings of u'n'taneh tokef. More details to come, I am sure, especially if you ask for them! ;)

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!