At Peace

This is an attempt not to bother my friend Katherine with this subject matter.  Katherine is a generous, giving person; she will always let me talk religion if I need to.  However, she is completely nonreligious herself, and is only humoring me in my religion moments.

Due to an insurance mix-up (surgical center where the procedure was to be done would not take my insurance; a different one had to be found), my surgery was postponed two weeks.  For a day or two, I felt crumbly and fragile emotionally, primarily  because I had gotten myself psyched up for surgery on a specific date, and now it was happening on a different date, and I hate changes in plans.

And then I paid attention to my Jewish religious sources: ritual prayer and Hebrew Bible reading (that's reading of the Hebrew Bible, although I read it in English).  Odd as this sounds, I paid attention to Christian religious sources: one particular blog I like a lot right now, and Steven Curtis Chapman music.  And I paid attention to that universal religious source of comfort: crying out to God in moments of strong emotion.

All of this led me to the following conclusion: God has a plan for me.  It may not be my plan, it may not even feel good (though I suspect it will feel right), but it's God's plan.  God can handle this; S/He has handled many bigger things before, both in my life and in the history of the world; and I rest and am carried in God's hands.  This plan may feel like walking a tightrope--sometimes it even feels like falling off the tightrope--but the hands are there to catch me down below.

I can rest, and I am at peace.  What will come will come, and God knows best.