God's Beautiful Plan

More and more, I can see God's hand in my life, leading me to adopt a child or multiple children one day.  For as long as I can remember, and possibly even before, I have wanted to be a mother, mothering my baby dolls and coming up with elaborate schemes for their lives as my children.

I always wanted to get pregnant and give birth--after all, wasn't that how one had children?--but as soon as I was old enough to understand adoption, I started saying that I would do that too.  Then, as I began to scratch the surface of the challenges that go along with adoption, I knew that I would either give birth or adopt, but not both; I firmly believe (and readers, you may feel free to disagree) that doing both is not fair to either set of kids.  In a home with both adopted and biological children, nobody quite gets the attention they need in the way that they need it.

In recent years, God has closed the doors on pregnancy for me.  I am on a certain medication that I cannot go off, and it is one of my central medications; it causes no side effects in me but would do great harm to a developing baby in the womb.  Also, bipolar disorder gets statistically worse with every generation, and I have to take into account not only myself but also my older brother who is actually even worse off than I am.  So no thank You, God, the genetic dice stop here.

Which brings us full circle back to adoption.  I will be a mother one day; I will do whatever it takes.  I would actually particularly like to adopt a little girl with Down syndrome from Eastern Europe, because those kids desperately need out of those hell hole mental institutions and the barely better orphanages.  In short, those kids need me; I need a kid.  God's  plan is going to be perfect.

"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."  In all this storm of not being able to have biological children, and the natural grief that comes with that loss, I believe in God and God's beautiful plan for adoption in my life.