For years, years and years, like fifteen years, I cherished "Plan A" for the family I would one day raise: four healthy, biological children.
In recent years, God has shown me that my "Plan A" is not God's "Plan A" by closing the door on biological children.
"Plan B"--adoption of a child with Down Syndrome and possibly other, neurologically typical children--can be just as beautiful and just as meaningful, but I haven't gotten used to it yet. I'm still grieving.
Because this is "Plan B," and going with "Plan B" can be rough.
But you know what? God is leading. God has me by the hand. God will watch out for me, and catch me when I stumble. This I know.
I believe that God has this, yet I am still grieving. That paradox is where I am tonight.
And here is "Jacob" again:
"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."
I believe in God.
I believe in God.
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- I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!