"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

The Twists and Turns in Life's Road

For years I have dreamed of going to Rabbinical school, specifically at Hebrew College in Boston. On Friday, however, I found out that they had rejected me, so I prepared to apply to my back-up school, Academy for Jewish Religion (AJR) in Yonkers.

You never just apply in one place, however, so I came up with a Plan C (because AJR was already Plan B): a Master's degree in Early Childhood Education from either Hunter College or Brooklyn College.  I will apply to Hunter first because their deadline is a month sooner, but it really doesn't matter to me where I go.

Which brings me to the point of this post: I AM NO LONGER HEADED TO RABBINICAL SCHOOL IN THE FALL.  If God really wants me at AJR (and I did feel "the feeling"), then of course that's where I'll ultimately end up; however, there are all kinds of conscious reasons I don't like the place.  Here is a list:

  1. I would be the youngest student by 20 or 30 years.
  2. Their library is smaller.
  3. Their partner learning is weaker.
  4. Their classroom learning is watered down.
  5. Sleepy and still in college, I could follow their classroom learning.  That means it's way too simple.
Looking at that list, how can I go there? Besides, they want about 300 dollars with the application, to cover an application fee and a psychological evaluation.  Ridiculous.

I don't know yet whether I'll be a Rabbi one day (I would reapply at Hebrew College) or whether I'm letting that dream go, too.  I can do all the religious things that are important to me (prayer three times daily, kippah, tallit katan) and have a secular career.  I have always loved little children; perhaps a career with them will help console me over the fact that it would be entirely irresponsible to have "my own."

God and I plan my future together.  God pulled me to my high school; I obeyed, and wonderful things happened to me there.  When it came time to pick a college, I couldn't find God at all, so I chose as best I could on my own; once I got there, however, I could see God's hand all over everything.  I honestly don't know where God wants me next.  I feel God's pull towards AJR, but for the reasons listed above, I really don't think it's the place for me, at least not yet.  I'm excited to  partner with God on my new path in life.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!