You never just apply in one place, however, so I came up with a Plan C (because AJR was already Plan B): a Master's degree in Early Childhood Education from either Hunter College or Brooklyn College. I will apply to Hunter first because their deadline is a month sooner, but it really doesn't matter to me where I go.
Which brings me to the point of this post: I AM NO LONGER HEADED TO RABBINICAL SCHOOL IN THE FALL. If God really wants me at AJR (and I did feel "the feeling"), then of course that's where I'll ultimately end up; however, there are all kinds of conscious reasons I don't like the place. Here is a list:
- I would be the youngest student by 20 or 30 years.
- Their library is smaller.
- Their partner learning is weaker.
- Their classroom learning is watered down.
- Sleepy and still in college, I could follow their classroom learning. That means it's way too simple.
Looking at that list, how can I go there? Besides, they want about 300 dollars with the application, to cover an application fee and a psychological evaluation. Ridiculous.
I don't know yet whether I'll be a Rabbi one day (I would reapply at Hebrew College) or whether I'm letting that dream go, too. I can do all the religious things that are important to me (prayer three times daily, kippah, tallit katan) and have a secular career. I have always loved little children; perhaps a career with them will help console me over the fact that it would be entirely irresponsible to have "my own."
God and I plan my future together. God pulled me to my high school; I obeyed, and wonderful things happened to me there. When it came time to pick a college, I couldn't find God at all, so I chose as best I could on my own; once I got there, however, I could see God's hand all over everything. I honestly don't know where God wants me next. I feel God's pull towards AJR, but for the reasons listed above, I really don't think it's the place for me, at least not yet. I'm excited to partner with God on my new path in life.