"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Complicated Emotions (Yes, Two Posts Today, Too)

I know, I know...I'm trying to get out of the habit of posting more than once in a day.  But I'm home and I'm sick and there's nothing to do; and I do need to sort through these feelings.

Ever since I found out about my "Jacob" dying slowly of starvation, I've been denying myself the chance to feel about it.  I've been telling myself I have no right to these feelings, that they take away from his experience.

Here's the thing, though: a child who's been part of my daily spiritual--and often emotional--life is dying a totally senseless and preventable death, and I can't do anything to help.  All I can do is feel; how can I help but feel?

So I think it's all right to feel about this.

And I would share an aging-out kid--and I know I forgot on my last post--but I am feeling very sick and need to get back to bed.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!