"Don't tell God how big your storm is; tell your storm how big your God is."

I believe in God.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Tisha B'Av 2012

Around two years ago, tisha b'Av 2010, I wrote a blog post about how assimilation is the most dangerous and awful of Jewish tragedies and how much assimilated Jews are missing out. That post makes me cringe every time I read it.

Our sages teach that the Temple was destroyed because of sin'at hinam, senseless hatred. Yet in that post, I was essentially hating on Jews who are different from me and therefore perpetuating the issue rather than being part of the solution.

Last night I went with "Emily" to a women's prayer group to read and discuss the scroll of Lamentations. In that scroll, there is a verse about God being Israel's enemy. As I thought about that, I realized that God, as I felt about Him last night, is a little kid with an evil laugh who sets things on fire for fun.

Nobody likes to think of God that way. We like to think of God as mature, loving, and merciful. In Judaism, however, God has many aspects and appearances. I believe that each holiday is there to help us experience a different aspect of God. tisha b'Av is for the God who destroys people through fire.

A God who destroys people through fire is dangerous and scary. I went to bed last night so scared of God I could barely keep my eyes closed. Yet we must remember that the month of Elul is coming, the time to ask forgiveness and fix our mistakes. We can change that fire so that we are warmed without being consumed.

Let's do it.

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I am a bipolar, Jewish young adult (had my Hebrew birthday, the one I count, and turned 23 this past January) who also suffers from Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy. I love life and I live for my best friends: they are my purpose and my reason for trying so hard. I remain passionately devoted to those I love; I will not let my disorders make me totally self-centered. I like to read, write, and sew. My Rabbinical school plans did not work out, and I am now hoping to go into the field of Early Childhood Education. Please note: I am currently maintaining only Carried in His Hands. Enjoy!